'A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, and life is after all a chain.'
William James
Xo R
Sunday, May 9, 2010
'The Weakest Link...' Another Life Lesson Learned
Hello Idyllwild...
Still Loving Life here..tho as of late I will admit to feelin' a bit like 'Roadkill on a Rollercoaster'(nothin' Jewishy 'bout that 1...ya gotta say it with a Texas Twang!) Having to move 3x in 2 months can do that..but as they say. The 3rd time's the charm'!? (Or something like that...for a Writer..I am Hellacious with those kinda sayings!)
So I owe a few of you Idyllwilder's a profound, heartfelt apology..cuz I have not been 'Talking it + Walking it' as of late AND I pride myself on that.. Presence, Accountability + Communication have Always been key in My Life...+ I expect that from other's as well.
So, needless to say.. it's been heavy on my mind.
People jokingly call me 'The Fixer'..the One who ya come to to 'get it done'..I'm a Jewish Mother' type...I want to nurse Everyone And Everything back to health!
Even as a kid I was Notorious for bring home stray's..not just animals...people too!
And, like 'Lucy's' character..I was The Camp Shrink as well!
When I was just a little girl in Elementary School..I remember getting some kinda 'Good Samaritan Award' because I befriended a little girl who was 'physically handicapped'.
I never really understood Why tho..??
That's how 'The Schlepford Wives', my Concierge + Consulting Biz came to be... It's one of my God Given Talent's..And who doesn't like a 'Happy Ending' anyway, right? I mean..it feels soooo good when you can affect a situation or a person in a positive way, right?
But...sometimes ya gotta just see The Reality at hand...some situations just ain't 'Fixable'Period! And instead of Them going up...You go down..it's contagious..but Not in a good way! And Me...I Love being contagious...like a Good Disease tho!
So...I thought Maybe..just Maybe..The Universe was done trying to Teach me yet Another Lesson..but who am I kidding here?! Tho I'm working on Perfection..Every Darn Day...and It feels like I've done Night School, Extra Curricular + all the rest..Nope! Close but No Cigar! I'm obviously being Tested..like The Universe's version of Cumilative Finals..Just to make sure I Really Got It This Time!!
But, rest assured Folks..I'm a quick learn + I study hard too..so for any of you that might be reading this..who feel's like I owe 'em one.. I am working on it..be sure of that! And, Yes, My Word Is My Honor! Everyone deserves a 2nd chance Right?
And remember..if you see a slightly Discombobulated Babe popping out of a Jeep Wrangler with Blue Suede Birkenstocks.. say'Hi'cuz it's Me!
'When you follow your bliss...The Universe opens doors that were once walls'
Joseph Campbell
With Love, Light + Laughter
MWAH!
Rachelle
Still Loving Life here..tho as of late I will admit to feelin' a bit like 'Roadkill on a Rollercoaster'(nothin' Jewishy 'bout that 1...ya gotta say it with a Texas Twang!) Having to move 3x in 2 months can do that..but as they say. The 3rd time's the charm'!? (Or something like that...for a Writer..I am Hellacious with those kinda sayings!)
So I owe a few of you Idyllwilder's a profound, heartfelt apology..cuz I have not been 'Talking it + Walking it' as of late AND I pride myself on that.. Presence, Accountability + Communication have Always been key in My Life...+ I expect that from other's as well.
So, needless to say.. it's been heavy on my mind.
People jokingly call me 'The Fixer'..the One who ya come to to 'get it done'..I'm a Jewish Mother' type...I want to nurse Everyone And Everything back to health!
Even as a kid I was Notorious for bring home stray's..not just animals...people too!
And, like 'Lucy's' character..I was The Camp Shrink as well!
When I was just a little girl in Elementary School..I remember getting some kinda 'Good Samaritan Award' because I befriended a little girl who was 'physically handicapped'.
I never really understood Why tho..??
That's how 'The Schlepford Wives', my Concierge + Consulting Biz came to be... It's one of my God Given Talent's..And who doesn't like a 'Happy Ending' anyway, right? I mean..it feels soooo good when you can affect a situation or a person in a positive way, right?
But...sometimes ya gotta just see The Reality at hand...some situations just ain't 'Fixable'Period! And instead of Them going up...You go down..it's contagious..but Not in a good way! And Me...I Love being contagious...like a Good Disease tho!
So...I thought Maybe..just Maybe..The Universe was done trying to Teach me yet Another Lesson..but who am I kidding here?! Tho I'm working on Perfection..Every Darn Day...and It feels like I've done Night School, Extra Curricular + all the rest..Nope! Close but No Cigar! I'm obviously being Tested..like The Universe's version of Cumilative Finals..Just to make sure I Really Got It This Time!!
But, rest assured Folks..I'm a quick learn + I study hard too..so for any of you that might be reading this..who feel's like I owe 'em one.. I am working on it..be sure of that! And, Yes, My Word Is My Honor! Everyone deserves a 2nd chance Right?
And remember..if you see a slightly Discombobulated Babe popping out of a Jeep Wrangler with Blue Suede Birkenstocks.. say'Hi'cuz it's Me!
'When you follow your bliss...The Universe opens doors that were once walls'
Joseph Campbell
With Love, Light + Laughter
MWAH!
Rachelle
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Dear Judy..+ All my Readers, Fans etal...
Good Morning to y'all...
(Even Tho using 'Good' And 'Morning' in the Same Sentence is an Oxymoron if I Evah Heard One!Yeh.I am still on City Time..what can I tell ya!)
1st...I must apolize for Any + All typos in my Blogs as of late..I have just moved (and we All know How Much Fun moving 3x in 2 months can be!) + am awaiting my DSL service from The Green Cafe..so.being the dedicated writer I am...All recent posts are being done from my Blackberry. Thanks for your patience..
Judy.as for your reply to my Intro Column..Yes..I would love to meet for 'Coffee, Tea or Me'..not to defend myself..but just to 'tawk'.
As a person who Loves Jewish Humour..I am curious..Do you feel the same way about the Brilliant, Talented + Hilarious..not to mention Legendary... Jackie Mason
As you do about me?!
I too grew up Surrounded by Survivors..my Father being one.I lost out on a set of Grandparents + a whole slew of Aunts, Uncles + Cousins due to The Holocaust.
As a young girl growing up in Da Bronx..I was Always wondering Why my neighbors would hastily pull their shirt skeeves down when I came 'round..Then, 1 day..I saw 'The Numbers'..
I have no real 'ists' in my life..nor did my Parents..Tho my Father..being 'Old World European'was definitely a 'Sexist' on some levels..
They used the Yiddish Language as anyone would use a 2nd language....so 'The Others'(or us Kids) wouldn't understand..it was like 'code'! My Mother,who was 2nd Generation,a Blonde/Green Eyed Beauty, Part French Jew, Artist, Teacher + Nurse.. had a trained eye for the Dr. Diamond Nose Job'!( Probably in part cuz she wanted one herself!!) Was always whispering in 'Someone's' ear..'Look at that nose..just like a shiksa'.B_( Always with a smile on her face!.
And, Judy, I must ask..Who is a 'Racist'?
What does Race have to do with This anyway...Jew, Protestant..whatevah..Those are Religions My Dear!
Darlin'..It's called Humour..OK? So take a 'chill pill' + lighten up a bit would ya Pluueease?
Humour..Laughter..Proven healing/coping strategies..try it sometime..it works! It's Very Cathartic to be able to turn Tragedy into Comedy..And it can save you a Fortune in Therapy + Anti-Depressants!
(Trust me..I Used to be on Industrial Strength Prozac!)
Re: Me, My Column + Blog..I am wondering where you got this idea that 'I have the wrong audience up here 'on The Hill' cuz I gotta tell you..You are The Only one that I Know of who has taken offence to the content of 'The Discombobulated One'! As a matter of fact..One of our "
'Tribal Members' loves me So Much.. that he recentlysaid that he is going to 'tell' JP that he should give me a regular column'! So sweet + flattering...
The interesting thing here is the biggest worry I had..+ perhaps a concern of The Crier"s as well..was that my content would not be understood or appreciated by those who are not 'citified' + well travelled..BUT that does Not seem to be The Case at all! I have gotten Great Feedback from both Jews + Non-Jews alike..Including people of All 'Races'..some who have never been in a Big City..where Everyone seems to be 'Jewish by circumcision'on some level..cuz they All Know + Use words like 'schlep', 'schmooz' + 'fahklemped'!
Speaking of which...what's your take on the show 'Saturday Night Live'? Do you consider it a 'Racist' show..and all the Writers/Comics 'vulgar + foul' cuz they brought the word 'Fahklemped' out of The Proverbial Closet?
Judy..I have been a Stand-up Comic + Writer for close to 10 years..in NYC, LA + 'on The Road'..I am a person who lives her life Everday with Passion + a Smile on My Face..I use The 'Pay It Forward'/Glass 1/2 Full' Methods as my guides. No Matter What!! I have been involved in 'The Greater Good Network' since before it was even a 'thang'; I do 'Rescue'(People + Animal) both Privately + within more structured settings + have some Wonderful Happy Ending stories that I would love to share..+ I think those who Really Know me would give me pretty darn good references!! Re: My Intentions are sincere ..And I just don't 'Talk it..I walk it too'!
I am Not saying that Everyone will agree with The Way I See The World,. How I Live My Life..or with what I have to say and/or how I say it.
(I realize that I am kinda 'complicated' + hard to 'get' for 'Some' people..but those who aspire to Brilliance And Creativity 24/7..as I do..ie: the people I 'normally' surround myself with'..usually have No Problema!!)
But let me also say here..that I am glad I rocked the boat..that You commented on my Column...that is indicative to me that people are reading The Paper, for one..And that I make people think + question things. I would rather be Almost Anything Than Invisible!!
Another one of My 'How I Live My Life' motto's is; 'I loathe, abhor + despise Mediocrity, Boredom, Stupidity + Cruelty'!
But..I do believe Freedom of Speech is My Right..+ Yours too..
And as long as I know, In My Heart And Soul...that my writing is Not meant to be hurtful or malicious..Nor does it come from a Place of Darkness...(actually Quite the Opposite) I will continue to 'Write On'!!
I have Earned it!
With Love, Light + Laughter
Rachelle
(Even Tho using 'Good' And 'Morning' in the Same Sentence is an Oxymoron if I Evah Heard One!Yeh.I am still on City Time..what can I tell ya!)
1st...I must apolize for Any + All typos in my Blogs as of late..I have just moved (and we All know How Much Fun moving 3x in 2 months can be!) + am awaiting my DSL service from The Green Cafe..so.being the dedicated writer I am...All recent posts are being done from my Blackberry. Thanks for your patience..
Judy.as for your reply to my Intro Column..Yes..I would love to meet for 'Coffee, Tea or Me'..not to defend myself..but just to 'tawk'.
As a person who Loves Jewish Humour..I am curious..Do you feel the same way about the Brilliant, Talented + Hilarious..not to mention Legendary... Jackie Mason
As you do about me?!
I too grew up Surrounded by Survivors..my Father being one.I lost out on a set of Grandparents + a whole slew of Aunts, Uncles + Cousins due to The Holocaust.
As a young girl growing up in Da Bronx..I was Always wondering Why my neighbors would hastily pull their shirt skeeves down when I came 'round..Then, 1 day..I saw 'The Numbers'..
I have no real 'ists' in my life..nor did my Parents..Tho my Father..being 'Old World European'was definitely a 'Sexist' on some levels..
They used the Yiddish Language as anyone would use a 2nd language....so 'The Others'(or us Kids) wouldn't understand..it was like 'code'! My Mother,who was 2nd Generation,a Blonde/Green Eyed Beauty, Part French Jew, Artist, Teacher + Nurse.. had a trained eye for the Dr. Diamond Nose Job'!( Probably in part cuz she wanted one herself!!) Was always whispering in 'Someone's' ear..'Look at that nose..just like a shiksa'.B_( Always with a smile on her face!.
And, Judy, I must ask..Who is a 'Racist'?
What does Race have to do with This anyway...Jew, Protestant..whatevah..Those are Religions My Dear!
Darlin'..It's called Humour..OK? So take a 'chill pill' + lighten up a bit would ya Pluueease?
Humour..Laughter..Proven healing/coping strategies..try it sometime..it works! It's Very Cathartic to be able to turn Tragedy into Comedy..And it can save you a Fortune in Therapy + Anti-Depressants!
(Trust me..I Used to be on Industrial Strength Prozac!)
Re: Me, My Column + Blog..I am wondering where you got this idea that 'I have the wrong audience up here 'on The Hill' cuz I gotta tell you..You are The Only one that I Know of who has taken offence to the content of 'The Discombobulated One'! As a matter of fact..One of our "
'Tribal Members' loves me So Much.. that he recentlysaid that he is going to 'tell' JP that he should give me a regular column'! So sweet + flattering...
The interesting thing here is the biggest worry I had..+ perhaps a concern of The Crier"s as well..was that my content would not be understood or appreciated by those who are not 'citified' + well travelled..BUT that does Not seem to be The Case at all! I have gotten Great Feedback from both Jews + Non-Jews alike..Including people of All 'Races'..some who have never been in a Big City..where Everyone seems to be 'Jewish by circumcision'on some level..cuz they All Know + Use words like 'schlep', 'schmooz' + 'fahklemped'!
Speaking of which...what's your take on the show 'Saturday Night Live'? Do you consider it a 'Racist' show..and all the Writers/Comics 'vulgar + foul' cuz they brought the word 'Fahklemped' out of The Proverbial Closet?
Judy..I have been a Stand-up Comic + Writer for close to 10 years..in NYC, LA + 'on The Road'..I am a person who lives her life Everday with Passion + a Smile on My Face..I use The 'Pay It Forward'/Glass 1/2 Full' Methods as my guides. No Matter What!! I have been involved in 'The Greater Good Network' since before it was even a 'thang'; I do 'Rescue'(People + Animal) both Privately + within more structured settings + have some Wonderful Happy Ending stories that I would love to share..+ I think those who Really Know me would give me pretty darn good references!! Re: My Intentions are sincere ..And I just don't 'Talk it..I walk it too'!
I am Not saying that Everyone will agree with The Way I See The World,. How I Live My Life..or with what I have to say and/or how I say it.
(I realize that I am kinda 'complicated' + hard to 'get' for 'Some' people..but those who aspire to Brilliance And Creativity 24/7..as I do..ie: the people I 'normally' surround myself with'..usually have No Problema!!)
But let me also say here..that I am glad I rocked the boat..that You commented on my Column...that is indicative to me that people are reading The Paper, for one..And that I make people think + question things. I would rather be Almost Anything Than Invisible!!
Another one of My 'How I Live My Life' motto's is; 'I loathe, abhor + despise Mediocrity, Boredom, Stupidity + Cruelty'!
But..I do believe Freedom of Speech is My Right..+ Yours too..
And as long as I know, In My Heart And Soul...that my writing is Not meant to be hurtful or malicious..Nor does it come from a Place of Darkness...(actually Quite the Opposite) I will continue to 'Write On'!!
I have Earned it!
With Love, Light + Laughter
Rachelle
Monday, May 3, 2010
THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE..YOU'LL READ ABOUT YOU'..PEOPLE LIKE 'THAT'!
This Week's Themes:
Success Is The Best Revenge...Especially When You Have a Column or Blog in an Award Winning Paper!
Jealousy + Envy.
.
There are Two Different Kinds of Women....
Me: 'You Look Great..where do you work out? If I were gay..I'd 'do' you!
The 'Others':'You Look Great.(Bitch)!
Self Righteous People Who Must Create Drama Because They Have NO Lives! And They KNOW they Can't Have Yours!
(They probably have little dolls that look like you that they burn in effigy!)
The Worst..People who do Yoga + thus think they are Mahatma Ghandi reincarnated!
They are So Above It All!!
The fact they can twist theselves into Pretzel Like Poses is one thing..the Actual Spiritual Core of Yoga is a Whole Other! This Super Self Righteouness being the facade that keeps them from facing Their Real Demons!
This Housesitter I know..who considers herself a 'Writer'(of course..she is The Only one who thinks this!) + 'Ms. Yoga Universe 2010' was invited to a Family Gathering.
Well.. ya know how The Kitchen is The Place where everyone ends up congregating
To do that Familial **'schmooz'(hanging out tawking etal)thang..what did She Do?? She stood there doing Yoga Poses The Entire Time!? What?? Was she a National Geographic Reporter on assignment observing a Group of Primates!? Is this the behavoir of a Supposedly Enlightened Spiritual Person? I think not! More likesomeone exhibiting a Borderline Psychotic/Personality Disorder if ya ask me!! Fear of Connecting to Others + Actually Being 'Seen'..'Known'.
Hiding behind all This 'New Age Woo Woo stuff' just doesn't cut it with me..Where's The Love that supposedly goes along with All That..umm?
People like that.I Delete! Etch a Sketch Out..Erase From My Coloring Book!
(And write about them of course! Ha Ha! Kisses..Brunch!)
Another one of my How I live My Life Motto's is: 'I Refuse To Subscribe to Petty Superfluous BS! Life is Waaay to short + we don't get Dress Rehearsels..Thank you very much...!
And..No..I don't Edit..and, Yes..I speak The Truth..when Men do..they are applauded,promoted etc right? So the way I look at it (another One of My Life motto's: 'Men get cocky..Women get clitty'! And I Most Definitely feel like I have earned That Right'
Success Is The Best Revenge...Especially When You Have a Column or Blog in an Award Winning Paper!
Jealousy + Envy.
.
There are Two Different Kinds of Women....
Me: 'You Look Great..where do you work out? If I were gay..I'd 'do' you!
The 'Others':'You Look Great.(Bitch)!
Self Righteous People Who Must Create Drama Because They Have NO Lives! And They KNOW they Can't Have Yours!
(They probably have little dolls that look like you that they burn in effigy!)
The Worst..People who do Yoga + thus think they are Mahatma Ghandi reincarnated!
They are So Above It All!!
The fact they can twist theselves into Pretzel Like Poses is one thing..the Actual Spiritual Core of Yoga is a Whole Other! This Super Self Righteouness being the facade that keeps them from facing Their Real Demons!
This Housesitter I know..who considers herself a 'Writer'(of course..she is The Only one who thinks this!) + 'Ms. Yoga Universe 2010' was invited to a Family Gathering.
Well.. ya know how The Kitchen is The Place where everyone ends up congregating
To do that Familial **'schmooz'(hanging out tawking etal)thang..what did She Do?? She stood there doing Yoga Poses The Entire Time!? What?? Was she a National Geographic Reporter on assignment observing a Group of Primates!? Is this the behavoir of a Supposedly Enlightened Spiritual Person? I think not! More likesomeone exhibiting a Borderline Psychotic/Personality Disorder if ya ask me!! Fear of Connecting to Others + Actually Being 'Seen'..'Known'.
Hiding behind all This 'New Age Woo Woo stuff' just doesn't cut it with me..Where's The Love that supposedly goes along with All That..umm?
People like that.I Delete! Etch a Sketch Out..Erase From My Coloring Book!
(And write about them of course! Ha Ha! Kisses..Brunch!)
Another one of my How I live My Life Motto's is: 'I Refuse To Subscribe to Petty Superfluous BS! Life is Waaay to short + we don't get Dress Rehearsels..Thank you very much...!
And..No..I don't Edit..and, Yes..I speak The Truth..when Men do..they are applauded,promoted etc right? So the way I look at it (another One of My Life motto's: 'Men get cocky..Women get clitty'! And I Most Definitely feel like I have earned That Right'
Friday, April 30, 2010
'WANTED: MOUNTAIN MAN TO LIGHT MY FIRE..LITERALLY'!
Hey Y'all...
Still Loving Idy...with All it’s Quirky little traits…And I Soooo 'preciate all The Fab Feedback & Support I have received re: my Very 1st Column Evah (Pg 7..this weeks paper..just in case ya haven't read it yet..hint..hint..:) )
However..ya gotta realize..no matter what..I have been a Big City Girl All My Life...'cept for those little Country Outings at those quaint New England Inn's..
Even did some Camping..in a Pup Tent ..Me..Yeah..Yellowstone..with A Big Bear Over my Very Little Tent...and me having to pee...suffice to say..I held it in..
I gotta tell you ‘bout my Buffalo University to Mexico City in a VW Bug..(yes..it was that reddish orange colah..what else would it be!?) In the Midst of a Mexico Summer..Camping All The Way..(same Pup Tent) You Are gonna Love this..I was almost taken hostage by a 80-90 year old shrunken little Mexican hombrero ..thinking the whole time I was getting a Donkey ride..Yeh..He wanted to give me ’a ride’ alright..he was taking me back To His Village..that’s what..as his new wife or some goddamn thing like that!!!
So..cut me a bit of slack here Okaayy..?? Cuz there are Definitely some things round here that take some getting used to when you Never, Ever lived in The Country…ya know what I mean.
And...BTW..I Really think it is time to create a Welcome To Idy Guide..geared towards us Citified People..I'd be happy to get it up & goin..okie dokie?
I mean..just The Basics here are Really Confusing…
Okay..It goes like this..In 'The City’..After you Finally Find an Apt you can afford…and they check you out up to the point of when you Finally got potty trained..all ya do is sign A lot of paperwork..Pay A lot of $$..they give you keys to your door and your mailbox…(OK..you Are The One responsible for putting in The $ other Dead Bolts, chains etc…)
And then Boom..You Movie in..it’s been painted..cleaned.. de-roached… ALL the appliances Are Already There… (yes..we opted to pay more for a Roach-Free New Fridge!) Of Course there is water, electricity, heat etc..one Does Not Even Think about that..it’s just a ‘given’..OK ..So You have to make like maybe 1 call re: your phone…Every month you get a few outrageous bills..max out your credit cards and all is well!
But Not In Idy… Here..Nothing is that simple..whatsoevah!
‘The Black Hole In Space..The Bermuda Triangle..or where all those socks and emails go..Free to Be Me..Partaayyy!!’
Here I am sitting around wondering..where the heck all my mail is for G_d’s sakes. I’ve been here Two Weeks Already….I know it takes a Little While once you do that whole addy change..but Two Weeks was pushing The Proverbial Envelope!
Especially since there were checks floating around some where out in The USPS Universe…!!
I mean..I knew PO Boxes were a big thang round here..well..I thought it was Just Another little quirky 'Living In The Country' Thang…
What I Did Not Know was that they were ‘De Riguer’..ie: Unless you have a PO Box...basically..You Do Not Exist..You Are Not Official..And..Most Importantly..
You Do Not Get Mail..It All Gets Returned!!
‘Cold Showers..are Not Just For Overly Hot Men!’
I am Right Now as I type this Blog..packing to move…& I Just found This little tidbit of info re: Where Does Hot Water Come From in Idyllwild Mommy'!? But Just a Tad too late to actually Do anything about it..
Thus I have come to the Dreadful Realization that I will be taking cold showers or having to do 18th century type whores baths for the entire weekend!
Any Offers!?
‘What A Dump’!
Oh..And..FYI…..as I am told by the owners of my Guest House..2 minutes before they are leaving for Three Months…’Oh..BTW…We do not have trash removal here..Bye..see you in 3 months!!
So then what..does it just Magically Recycle Itself into the Idywilld Mountains..or do some little men come take it away under cover of The Dark while I sleep!?
No f’in way!?
So..Unless you want a few Dozen Raccoons on your property..Tearing it all to shreds every nite..& running amuck all over your Roof…scaring the sheet outta me & my kitties... You had bettah sort This Situation out!!! ASAP!
Of course..I go into see my Fav Pharmacist..Barry-la..& the other really Patient & friendly gals he has working with him…Knowing they will Understand..and Not Just Roll their eyes..thinking.. 'Ugh..these City People..Clueless!'
And..what do I find out?! Yes..Me, Myself & I must take it to The Dump…Me! And I won’t Even tell you The Directions I was supposed to remember that got me To The Dump..cuz if I thought No One Ever gave you an address around here..You Can Be Sure…there was No Address For The Dump!!
Then..I am told..that The Dump is really a hot place ‘to shop’ and ‘meet people’..that is was sort of an Idy Social Event!!??
Now as it is..How To Dress In Idy is a definitive ‘Grey Area’ for me..especially cuz I am One Of Those Women who is into Shoes..Thus Hi Fashion around here..means anything I can wear without breaking my neck! My solution..Blue Suede Birkenstocks..Like in The Hippie Days..but Blue Suede at least..it mollified me somehow..
And for the rest of me..well..I figure since New Yawkers Only Wear Two Basic ‘colahs’…Black & White…I choose one of my All Black Ensembles..perfect for The Dump?! This way all the icky poo stuff I am in the midst off won’t ruin my whites!
‘C’mon Baby Light My Fire’
What about This whole lighting the fireplace thang…without ruining my french manicure or setting off all the smoke alarms…whether it be for warmth or romance..the damn thing takes More Stoking Than Me to keep it going!! 3-4 Firestarters Later..and a whole bunch of Whatevah Else Burnable I could find in the house… And the only warmth I got from it was from all the running around I had to do to keep the damn thing going!
That’s it for me tonight boys & girls..I got a lot of boxes..from The Dump..where else..to be packed..and The Dark to navigate my move in…We’ll Talk about my fear of The Boogie Man next time..K?
So have your people call mine and we’ll Windex a window on our Agendas and do Brunch OK??
MWAH..MWAH...Love You..Kisses
The Jewess Goddess Ra
Still Loving Idy...with All it’s Quirky little traits…And I Soooo 'preciate all The Fab Feedback & Support I have received re: my Very 1st Column Evah (Pg 7..this weeks paper..just in case ya haven't read it yet..hint..hint..:) )
However..ya gotta realize..no matter what..I have been a Big City Girl All My Life...'cept for those little Country Outings at those quaint New England Inn's..
Even did some Camping..in a Pup Tent ..Me..Yeah..Yellowstone..with A Big Bear Over my Very Little Tent...and me having to pee...suffice to say..I held it in..
I gotta tell you ‘bout my Buffalo University to Mexico City in a VW Bug..(yes..it was that reddish orange colah..what else would it be!?) In the Midst of a Mexico Summer..Camping All The Way..(same Pup Tent) You Are gonna Love this..I was almost taken hostage by a 80-90 year old shrunken little Mexican hombrero ..thinking the whole time I was getting a Donkey ride..Yeh..He wanted to give me ’a ride’ alright..he was taking me back To His Village..that’s what..as his new wife or some goddamn thing like that!!!
So..cut me a bit of slack here Okaayy..?? Cuz there are Definitely some things round here that take some getting used to when you Never, Ever lived in The Country…ya know what I mean.
And...BTW..I Really think it is time to create a Welcome To Idy Guide..geared towards us Citified People..I'd be happy to get it up & goin..okie dokie?
I mean..just The Basics here are Really Confusing…
Okay..It goes like this..In 'The City’..After you Finally Find an Apt you can afford…and they check you out up to the point of when you Finally got potty trained..all ya do is sign A lot of paperwork..Pay A lot of $$..they give you keys to your door and your mailbox…(OK..you Are The One responsible for putting in The $ other Dead Bolts, chains etc…)
And then Boom..You Movie in..it’s been painted..cleaned.. de-roached… ALL the appliances Are Already There… (yes..we opted to pay more for a Roach-Free New Fridge!) Of Course there is water, electricity, heat etc..one Does Not Even Think about that..it’s just a ‘given’..OK ..So You have to make like maybe 1 call re: your phone…Every month you get a few outrageous bills..max out your credit cards and all is well!
But Not In Idy… Here..Nothing is that simple..whatsoevah!
‘The Black Hole In Space..The Bermuda Triangle..or where all those socks and emails go..Free to Be Me..Partaayyy!!’
Here I am sitting around wondering..where the heck all my mail is for G_d’s sakes. I’ve been here Two Weeks Already….I know it takes a Little While once you do that whole addy change..but Two Weeks was pushing The Proverbial Envelope!
Especially since there were checks floating around some where out in The USPS Universe…!!
I mean..I knew PO Boxes were a big thang round here..well..I thought it was Just Another little quirky 'Living In The Country' Thang…
What I Did Not Know was that they were ‘De Riguer’..ie: Unless you have a PO Box...basically..You Do Not Exist..You Are Not Official..And..Most Importantly..
You Do Not Get Mail..It All Gets Returned!!
‘Cold Showers..are Not Just For Overly Hot Men!’
I am Right Now as I type this Blog..packing to move…& I Just found This little tidbit of info re: Where Does Hot Water Come From in Idyllwild Mommy'!? But Just a Tad too late to actually Do anything about it..
Thus I have come to the Dreadful Realization that I will be taking cold showers or having to do 18th century type whores baths for the entire weekend!
Any Offers!?
‘What A Dump’!
Oh..And..FYI…..as I am told by the owners of my Guest House..2 minutes before they are leaving for Three Months…’Oh..BTW…We do not have trash removal here..Bye..see you in 3 months!!
So then what..does it just Magically Recycle Itself into the Idywilld Mountains..or do some little men come take it away under cover of The Dark while I sleep!?
No f’in way!?
So..Unless you want a few Dozen Raccoons on your property..Tearing it all to shreds every nite..& running amuck all over your Roof…scaring the sheet outta me & my kitties... You had bettah sort This Situation out!!! ASAP!
Of course..I go into see my Fav Pharmacist..Barry-la..& the other really Patient & friendly gals he has working with him…Knowing they will Understand..and Not Just Roll their eyes..thinking.. 'Ugh..these City People..Clueless!'
And..what do I find out?! Yes..Me, Myself & I must take it to The Dump…Me! And I won’t Even tell you The Directions I was supposed to remember that got me To The Dump..cuz if I thought No One Ever gave you an address around here..You Can Be Sure…there was No Address For The Dump!!
Then..I am told..that The Dump is really a hot place ‘to shop’ and ‘meet people’..that is was sort of an Idy Social Event!!??
Now as it is..How To Dress In Idy is a definitive ‘Grey Area’ for me..especially cuz I am One Of Those Women who is into Shoes..Thus Hi Fashion around here..means anything I can wear without breaking my neck! My solution..Blue Suede Birkenstocks..Like in The Hippie Days..but Blue Suede at least..it mollified me somehow..
And for the rest of me..well..I figure since New Yawkers Only Wear Two Basic ‘colahs’…Black & White…I choose one of my All Black Ensembles..perfect for The Dump?! This way all the icky poo stuff I am in the midst off won’t ruin my whites!
‘C’mon Baby Light My Fire’
What about This whole lighting the fireplace thang…without ruining my french manicure or setting off all the smoke alarms…whether it be for warmth or romance..the damn thing takes More Stoking Than Me to keep it going!! 3-4 Firestarters Later..and a whole bunch of Whatevah Else Burnable I could find in the house… And the only warmth I got from it was from all the running around I had to do to keep the damn thing going!
That’s it for me tonight boys & girls..I got a lot of boxes..from The Dump..where else..to be packed..and The Dark to navigate my move in…We’ll Talk about my fear of The Boogie Man next time..K?
So have your people call mine and we’ll Windex a window on our Agendas and do Brunch OK??
MWAH..MWAH...Love You..Kisses
The Jewess Goddess Ra
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