Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Hullooo Idyllwilders...

What do All Of The Above have to do with one another...not sure..maybe you can tell me? But thangs have been kinda bizarre in My World as of late...

So what am I eating & drinking tonight??
A newer Concoction for you Non Chocaholics..Vanilla Milk! :) (& for all you Dieter Conscious Folks out there):
Skim milk w/ ice, vanilla extract & a little equal..yummy..:)
It might sound 'weird' but I thought I might as well go w/ the flow..:)
For dinner...a relatively noveau brown rice combo..brown rice with sauteed red & green onions, garlic (tons! I do not think you can Evah have enough garlic!), ginger & bacon bits! Along w/ a glass of White's All going down real good I must say! :)

Weird & Smelly: Waking up to find a 'septic tank' being dug In Front Of Your Kitchen Window!?
Weird & Scarey: My 'Coyote Ugly' experience wit The SK Kujo sound effects And
Finding out we Really Do have Mt. Lions up here..
I was just told a loverly story 'bout someone's 180lb dogs (6 or more he said) who were devored..actually dragged Over the compound's fences..by1 0r 2 our local 'Large Cats'.

And there's my purrfectly good Jeep Wrangler (automatic..isn't that pathetic?? but whaddya want from a gal who just Really just learned to drive in her 30's!? :) )
That was just overhauled...took me over 2300 miles w/ no problemas..and is now Squealing like a Stuffed Pig?? (I actually Nevah heard or eaten a 'stuffed pig', but it seemed like a good analogy:))
Even The Windows?!

Just Plain Weird: My Comedic sexual innuendo'ing onstage being considered 'Offensive'?' Offensive'..why cuz it's Broad Daylight & The Truth!
As the Great Carl Reiner said..'The only Good Comedy is The Truth'
I have been called Lots of Things in my Life...:)
But Never 'Offensive'.

I pride myself in my 'unedited' style...
In bringing outta the closet what others wish they could..but don't have the **chutzpah (cojones, nerve) to do so!
I can look in the mirror & laugh at myself..I couldn't live w/ myself otherwise.
I do not have to 'sit in the dark', hidden away in my home to laugh at The Truth.
And it saves me $1,000's in Therapy Bills..G_D knows I have paid enough dues in That Dept.
I consider it a strength To Be Able To Laugh At Life..Turn things around..'Tell it like it is'.

Anyone that 'knows me well' ..knows better not to ask for my 'opinion' unless they want my 'real' opinion..I tell people Right Up Front..I am not gonna lie to you but I won't rip ya to shreds either..but if you want me to tell you 'You Look Fabu' in some outfit that make you look like a Times Square Streetwalker..I ain't gonna do it. Period!
I spent waaay too much of my life having to Lie & Edit..& I feel I paid my dues in That Dept. as well..Thank you very much!

Is it wrong to say that 'I love Harley's because they are like 'The Black & Decker' of Vibrators...
once you get off that thing they don' have to 'Do' anything but you???
What female that has ridden of the back of her beau's bike doesn't 'Know' that?!
And what 6 year old kid is gonna 'get' that?
Am I right here of what?

Ya wanna know what's offensive..'Offensive' is what my friend and female in arms of comedy...Sarah Silverman..(who You All Know, right??) said about Poor Little Paris Hilton having to do some 'Real Jail Time'.
Paris Hilton..admittedly Paris is not one of my favs..a 'barnacle on Society' & a 'waste of space' as far as I am concerned..but to publicly humiliate her..when she is in the audience yet?!
Sarah said 'I think they should make the bars look like '' so she feels more at home..but the poor thing might break her teeth on one'...or Something to that affect!
Now That is offensive..and the camera even panned to poor little Paris in the audience squirming in her seat while all her supposedly 'good friends' were hysterically laughing!?

I admit I would nevah say anything like that.. funny as it was...
However...I cannot Wait till I am famous enough to say .."You don't like my act..who cares!
To be as well known & rich as Sarah being quote unquote..Offensive'!
Yeah..Bring it on!

The End

With love, light & laughter
The DB

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Hullooo Me Dear Idyllwilder's...

So what's the whole Ritualistic, Pagan thing about the Summer Solstice?? Me thinks it has to do with New Chapters, Rebirth..etc...or am I being just a tad general here?? :)
Well let's see here...ummm..Is there a ritual for 'Burning of Computer's' for The Solstice? or am I getting it confused with 'Burning Man'!!!Or did the Headier than tho Chakra Shack cover that while I was up Re-installing my AVG that Just up + Went...My Internet Connection..Blog Connection...Ditto..They probably Both got angry that I removed All Their Damn Cookies! But I got My Blog Back..Hah!

Summer Spirituality Sayings>>> 'Dare to Take a Plunge in The Ocean of Emotion'...'Soak in a Pool Of Powerful Thoughts...Often...'

Where would one do that around here anyway? Find delicious cool, clean pools of water with cascading waterfalls along side...Me thinks of Zure Valley...where all the Buffalo University student went to 'chill'...Slippery Place tho...especially going down...& especially on Magic Mushrooms!
So I have heard of this Mysterious Grotto that we have up here..Googled my ***(arse)Toosh off trying to get a pic or 2...seeing if it was 'doable' for those of us who thought a 'backyard' was your Fire Escape...and, a Tree...well..I don't know One City kid who ever dared to climb one..if we even had one round us at all that is. Couldn't find more than a mere thumbnails of the place & only little stories of years past ... it a Viable Option?? or is all about 'slip sliding away' & becoming 'a Bloody Mess' as my friend put it when she saw her teenage daughter return from an attempted early summer swim..and that's a Teenager...they 'do' those sort of things..Not Me..when I go for a swim or a workout...I prefer it to be great place to lay in the sun & crisp the bod get all evenly tanned.then even cellulite looks good right!?But Certainly Not A Death Defying Feat..Thank You Very Much..Those Days are over!
Tho sometimes 'adventures' like those..remind me of Europe..long ago..a Colette novel.. loved reading her during the Hot Summer Months..She could make intense damp heat & sweating poetic & sensual somehow...:)

The Big Thing when I was growing up in Da Bronx was The Beach Clubs..The Cabana Clubs in Westchester..kind of Upstate New could always tell who was doing well..or The Club they joined and the 'size of their Cabana'!!! They even had 2 clubs that did not allow Jews Or That time!
I vaguely remember that we actually had a real car then too...a big Yellow Jalopy..but's all fuzzy...cannot picture being in any car growing up that didn't have a meter...imagine..trying to do Fast Food In Taxi's..Not! per usual..I opted out for a Sleep Away kinda Dude Ranch Scenario..Far Far Away from the Maddening Parents & most demonic 'little brother' , who did that 6-10" sprout while I was away one summer.Scared the hell outta much for all my makeup, perfumes & privacy after that! Chemistry experiments w/ my gifts of Chanel...and just handing my hidden diaries over to The Enemy.

Nothing was a far away couldn't escape..nowhere to run..nowhere to hide.

I did develop close & lasting relationships with the horses I was 'assigned' to over those years...we had to do Everything for them..grooming..shoveling..feeding..but aaahhh The Riding was The Reward..Like Harley's..I always think of them as Urban Horse free..such a attitude adjustment..Galloping Bareback was my Fav..tho I did know how to ride English as wonder I was so obsessed with that movie '9 & 1/2 weeks' ! :) I even 'lost it' to a horse..I Swear! Must have been during one of those 'Camping out under The Stars' nites we had..soooo romantic! Can't even remember his name sad...but I do remember he was a Spotted Palamino ...very sweet...and I did have a ciggie after as I groomed the sweat off of him! :) It is true tho..and I am Sure it has made me the Size Queen I am today! Lol
Well Not silly's..but that Little Man w/ The Cane...'Hymie'..always battling you guys away...well..riding bareback on a full out stallion was too much for our 'little man' so he 'caved in' so to speak.

I gotta tell you about my Jewish Mother & my 1st GYN after That Experience..What a Magilla!!!**(Insanity)I thought she was going to plotz..(**Pass Out)I swear!! Too Funny..this woman who thought only 'sluts' could use Tampax!! Well..maybe TMI??'ll probably love it..

Later then Loves..
Don't Forget..July 17th @9 &11..Mi Hi Cafe..My Comedic Debut opening for the International Ms. Chandelier...get a Babysitter...plan a Late Nite Out..Like a Big City Date but without having to Leave 'The Hill'!

xo The DB

Saturday, June 12, 2010

’I’ve Gone Country’ Folks’

Ok..Ok… Now it’s 9 PM Sat Nite the 12th..Yes..I Do Know that I AM Running A Tad Late!

I just realized tomorrow is The Anniversary of The Death of My Dear Friend & Most Incredibly Talented Hoodoo Voodoo Blues Man John Campbell…Had Lighting Hopkin’s 1930’s Guitar yet! Still miss him so…If you are into some serious Blues..check him out on Youtube…believe will not be disappointed…

I will Try not to Babble on & finish this Darn ‘Piece’ Asap! Okaaayyy…It is a Must! I was told ‘Someone in The Know’ of my ‘Light worker’s’ …if you will…that ‘The Universe was Testing Me’..Again!? Whaaat!? I haven’t Passed Yet?! I did Night School..Extra– Curricular…All that ‘Bronx HS of Science’ shit…can’t they go ‘Test’ someone else Already!? Lol…Sometimes I feel Like My Life is that Radio know ‘The One’.. ‘This is A Test..This is Only A Test..This is A Test Of The National Broadcast System…..’Lol
Well…I guess it’s like I’m taking My Finals Now..’They’ Really Wanna make sure I got ‘IT’ This Time!! :)

Well..if ya wanna know Why I am Just finishing this at 9pm after Saying that I was at 3am..just think the Usual..’The Killing Fields’ Part 2-8…(but at least I got it figured out now…it’s the Leech whatevah Septic Thang…combined w/. A charming under the kitchen sink leak…it’s like Swamp Land in here!! Swarming..they are!) With Breaks only to do The Hokey Pokey Dance trying to fit all my Computer Pieces into this Massive 8ft x 8ft x 8ft computer Armoire..don’t ask…Ya put your right foot in you take your right foot out you put your left foot in and you shake it all about..And Just The Fact that I have been singing that Damn song for the last 3 hours is a Bad Indication that either I sniffed waaaay too many Insecticides and/or am Delirious..for lack of food & sleep or All of The Above!! I Definitely Look & Feel like ‘Road Kill on a Rollercoaster’ & Yes..I Love That phrase that I coined on My is said w/ a Twang..and it is so very all purpose and fitting! I wouldn’t even ‘Do’ Me Now!! Oy Vey! Lol’s May 12…and freezing out..gotta love it up ‘On this Hill’ ‘weird’ tho…actually have the f’in heat on! probably’ll snow! Lol but it’s bug free at least…for 1 nite! Peace!

Well they always say if you don’t where to start..just start at the beginning…I have a little saying…’Just jump on into to the Ocean of Emotion’ here goes..Part One..of..’I’ve Gone Country’ Folks’! Omg..& Oy Vey!! Can even do that Idy Last Four # Thang a real local! Still feels like somethang out of the Andy Griffith Show to this City Gal tho....& I somehow get this feelin’….that 1 morning…at 3 am ..that ol’ $2 landline phone I got at The Help gonna ring…& I am gonna hear either ‘Sarah The Operator’ or ‘Ernestine’ trying to get me a line to ‘Selma Jean’..’I Know This’…& ..’NO’..IT Has Nothing to do with any of my past ‘experimenting’ with ‘Dear Mr. Fantasy or Magic Mushrooms’ at any Grateful Dead Concerts either Okaayy…!! Lol
Note: We are up 5000 feet on ’a hill’ the year 2010, Where it snows in May…& The Fog rolls in outta nowhere & envelopes you like surround sound …where people only get mail at PO boxes, only use the last 4 digits of their phone numbers, do not lock their doors, (car’s or houses!!!??), say Hi to their neighbors & actually know their name’s for god’s sakes!; and Today…I swear this happened..
I get a personal email from my Banker..(which, of course, at 1st freaked me out..all $$ affirmations & creative visualization videos aside…! :) I thought..Oh Vey..they weren’t working..I wasn’t One With $ $ …$$ didn’t love me for some unknown reason..Just Donald & other ugly men with no lips & bad hair (who can most definitely afford to fix them but who do not give a shit cuz they know they will get laid no matter! Lol) I thought…like any ‘City’ Person would who got an ‘Email from her Banker’ that ‘something ‘was wrong’! But no! It was an unexpected, incredible, beautific reply to an earlier e of mine…a support email…telling me ‘how I should take in all Idy’s love etc’ (I would really like to say who..but do not have her I can not..but major kudo’s to Compass Bank!! Thank you! ) can you f’in believe that!? And, Another thing I have noticed as of late… 99% of the ‘seniors’ native to Idy are in ‘Unusually’ good shape for their years…vibrant, beautiful skin, hair & nails…and this is kinda all adding up..isn’t it..umm..reminding me of ‘something’…a movie, play, book..& you?? :) Nothing? I Am Not aging myself here either....this is an Age Ol’ kinda Fairy Tale of sorts…& it just happens to be one of my favs..I was always one for the Mystical…Oh..Okaaayyy…
‘Shangri-la’ ..aka..’The Lost Horizon’ by James Hilton..
Remember?? It was a Village..Waaayyy up on a Mountain..that ‘outsider’s’ could see or enter (I think) every now & again) cuz it was usually covered by Fog..sound familiar…:) & Everyone there lived a lovely, blissful, ageless life…only catch was they could Never Leave! Always The Catch right! Lol but..who would want to really!?
I know.. for a fact.. it has been ‘adapted’ & made into a play, movies & docs etc…really fun stuff…
But I am definitely digressing here..I know it… where was I??? Lol
I was hanging out 1 day at Karen & Ken’s marvy thrift store…Earth Angels ..1 day, not long after I 1st got here..& a new friend..Chris.. said to me…’It’s Idyllwild..Magic is in the air’..I just remembered that… I do believe that is true…:)

Somethang about this place…bugs…dirt and all aside..Oh..Yeah…That!
So I was gonna entitle this ‘Piece’ something like ‘The Killing Fields’.. part 2-8’ or ‘The DB’s Clueless Citified Guide to Insect Control’ ..I wasn’t sure..but I figure I’ll end up covering most of these topics by & by! 1 way or the other..perhaps a few subjects will fall under the reader’s digest/cliff notes versions..not sure yet!? So I am sorry..well..actually.. I am starting to Really Really like that NCIS’s guy’s quote ‘Never say you’re’s a sign of weakness’..cuz I Know I say it way too often & it is So Not Evolved of me…so..ok..I am not sorry..cuz..In Actuality..This Piece has been ‘In Process for Over a Week..but because I am Such A well at new at being a Columnist &/or Blogger…I never Know when it is Good Enough ..Long Enough..’Finished’…so I have Not Submitted It..and I do not have that kinda support system that most creative people have or should have in their lives that kinda nudge them along in these ways…I mean..I do..kind of..but most of them are LD…or I have To Reach Out & Touch Someone…& then I feel Needy &/or Vulnerable ..neither of which are my forte’s..or I get I am now…and go off The Subject TOTALLY!! LOL

(and..PS..I shouldn’t say that I have No local support system..Not True!! Lady Di has had Pneumonia for the last 3 weeks…thus I am going through withdrawal’s from her ‘spoiling me’ happens when you are told 24/7 that ‘You are talent personified’..’Have talent oozing from your fingertips’ ‘should have been famous years ago’ etc…Thanks Di..glad we found each other..and JP was my Founding Father… Marshall my ‘Adopted Tribal Bro’..:) E’ing & calling me at all hours with their support and help and love & ‘breathing techniques’…:) …(am I supposed to ask permission 1st JP before I ‘out’ you as being not the ‘Judge & Jury’ you like to come off being?! Lol).. The Pharmacy Gang..Barry-la & The Girls for being my 1st and biggest fans…and Barry for letting me ‘out him’, supporting me to all the Dr. Diamond Nose Job Jews in Idyllwild who are apparently ashamed of their heritage and who even brings my ‘pearls’ to his folks to read every week cuz they love me too! …Mel Goldfarb when he subbed for ‘Barry-la’ for letting me know that ‘I didn’t have to introduce myself’ cuz ‘he knew all about me…The Rotary Club had read my column out loud’ he said… ‘& everyone loved me..they were all laughing and applauding’!.! :) Can You Imagine That!! Lol
‘Gino’ when I stopped in the road to ask him if he needed help and he laughed and said ‘No’..but aren’t you The One who wrote that hilarious article the other week in The Paper… I met you at Karen’s thrift shop going crazy with that Chris girl!? Rachelle right?’ ‘That’ is all the ‘Idyllwild Love’ that my Banker was talking about ..and I guess That is what I have to remember when I sit down to write to y’all …just like now…:) I gotta is 4 am…I am smiling…And..Finally Putting The Finishing Touches on this Darn Piece (now if I could get this Program to Truly Edit DB Style..That Would be Somethang! LOL)

This is week’s entry a long time coming But I personally feel all good thing’s are worth the wait..especially Me! Lol…’Anticipaaation is making me crazy’…well..You..and doesn’t that feel kinda nice in a way?? :) like that 1st Date you were waiting all week for?? :)

So…Fellow Country Men..lend me your ear..or rather whatever kinda pest control system or garbage pick.up you got goin’ down Ok! After my 1st week’s of ‘Discovery Channel’ -like Experience’s living ‘In The Country’ or as you like to call it ‘on the hill’.. or as I now like to call it.. ‘On The Ant Hill’.. I now know about every kinda Ant, Moth, Spider, Gnat (as 1 tries to enter my nose orifice..Very Nice…Lol)
That exist up here; Why they do, What they do, If they bite, What Supposedly deters/kills them (au natural or straight out poison) If They can kill You and How Bad that could go down.. & of course…What to do if that should occur…especially since…and this is One Very Bad Thing about Idy…unless You Are Very Very Rich…There Are NO Hospitals Up Here Or in The Nearby Vicinity At All..Not A Good Thing At All..I would think Especially In The Winter…Which…Honestly Folks..when ya think about it..would be a Very Very Good Time to Move ‘Down The Hill’ …:) come to think of it..what exactly should 1 have in an Idy 1st aid kit…another Google It…Ya know I am an Info Slut/Warrior..admittedly I Google Everything..’Knowledge Is Power’..1 of the Motto’s I live by…I even Googled ‘How To Pour Hot Wax On Your Lover’ 2am… Came Up…First Thang on The Google Search..’Erotic Hot Wax’…which…is ..I thought at 1st ..a Very Cool Thang…& It Is..& I Would …on The Whole..much rather be Googling how to correctly pour hot wax a SO whose hairiness leaned towards ‘Missing Link ’ proportion’s…(plus I had just given him a Heart Attack a year I did not want to push the Universal Proverbial Envelope..if ya know what I mean..on Any even Singing 1 Single Hair on His Bod! !)

However…on 2nd thought..& ya gotta do a ‘What’?! Head snap on that 1! Not even Page 2 or 3…1st one up?! & then of course you wonder..Slave & Master..Dameon ‘The Return Email Sender’, Fatal Error, The Blue Screen Of Death…Steve & Billy Boy’s??
Who The Heck are these guys anyway And What On Earth DO They Do in Their Spare time!? Truly..I don’t care How much $$ they have..I’m not sure I’d wanna go to Any of their ‘Invite Only’ parties..ya know..with All their Hi Tech knowledge…Scarey…Like A New Millennium James Bond Scenario..You’re In…The Whole Place Shut’s Down…And then..Dot Dot Dot…Yeah..All my friend’s say ‘I Have A Vivid Imagination’..Lol
But..I Do Not Think this is Far Fetched At All! Look At ‘Psych’ and All the other movies/characters like that..the ‘quiet, meek, geeky’ ones ..Always!!!!

However…What I do not know is Why Why oh Why They are all in my house and Will not go away!! Oh look a scorpion what!!! Ooi-38-4307&(^%$&#@() c7 oops sorry I freaked!!
or I think I do until just as I am writing this something that looks like a sea like scorpion really appears out of nowhere now please realize it is 1,2 or 3am?? and I am really really over the over the top beyond my limit especially when I found out..just like roaches..y.e.s..they love to nest in warm electronic places..super! I cannot take it anymore and am determined to take control of a sitch I googled to death and now feel I think I can handle?! I can no longer live in what feels like the ‘killing fields’ pt 2-6 and I am one of the bad guys in ‘Schindler’s list’…I just cannot! And what really put me over the top today was not the fact that I realized my house was completely littered everywhere…tabletops,..sinks…my bed..the entire floor…their death pools..with carcasses..and that was probably why my cats were puking rather regularly these days vs the usual 1-2x a month cuz they thought helping mommy was fun and that they got to eat they prize after was their reward! Well,,better than the vet bills I guess…?? And really I am not the killer type..I am more the ‘ free to be you or me’..when the occasional errant bug lost it’s way…(except those horrid roaches…no..they deserved to die…long torturous deaths…) I would make sure I got them out of the house peacefully..even if it was one of those normal friendly bees..not one of the mutant killer crazed 1’s from Africa or on earth did they make their way here anyway? With all this illegal immigration shit??? So I would like just open a window for them ..but here..not! it is totally they do not get the limits boundaries thang at all …no respect.. Nothing! ..mi casa, su casa..they swarm by my lites on even! I open it for a sec to get in/out after dusk…20 come bombarding in! is like one of those ‘mummy’ movie’s!! I have tried the insence thing..sprays..(I also end up getting these pretty little green and blue one’s by accident.. vs these ugly big mosquitos or grey moth’s..and it’s really upsets me!) I feel like every time I go out I have to bring a citronella torch and a machete like in an Indiana Jones movie!

So after a few sickening morns..nothing like the smell of death in the morn before you can wash down your Meds w/ some Cappuccino + then forgetting to put my slippers on so I am crunching on these little carcasses everywhere I walk…oy vey…I googled my Jewish toosh off…and found a combo stuff that almost all the creepy crawlers do not like..moths I am not sure..I think w/ them I am gonna have to get all voodoo hoodoo and start burning camphor balls and spreading bleach outside my door and maybe sacrificing some chickens ala Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet in that crazy weird occult-ish flick they both did when they were both hot,…she still is..he was beyond hot then..and now…scarey..the Lion Woman pt 2! Why Mickey why…Anyway..this movie is about it being time for him to give up the soul he had sold years ago to ‘The Man’ but what the f was his connect to her./..??
anyway..I digress…for a change...:)

Here is what I found out…

(other than I my Vag is that of a 20 yr old..which is some of the best news I have had in a while…about my bod anyway…that was at the Idy Health Clinic..probably one the best anything’s ending in the word ‘clinic’ I have ever been to and Brenda is wonderful…’course she thinks I am too and laughs at all my joke’ we are a perfect match!
When I arrived there for My Gyn..and she told me ‘to strip’..I said..’No need..check it out..and I showed her what I had on beneath my new tight-fitting jeans…(I was wearing this ensemble to show her and the world at large how much weight I had lost since arriving in Idy!)
My Black V Neck..worth every cent…snap open crotch and pop it in dual purpose Lycra Body Suit…Good For Gyn Visit’s And/Or 2-3rd Dates (after a Very Nice Dinner & drinks of course!! Lol) Yeh..that went over big!
Anyway..when she told me that..I asked her for a ‘letter of reference’ or something… or is she could repeat that on tape..cuz what a knockout ref along w/ the fact that I give men heart attack’s during sex..I mean ‘need I say more’..other than ‘I can make a Harley cum from across the street’ just a little add on!)

Umm..where was I again…’Tangenting’..look it up..maybe not in the Dict yet..but ‘in use’..k’…?

So what the creepy crawly varieties really don’t like are oils of: (or what I decided to use that I had in the house from the list of most hated:)
Tea tree**, clove, lemon & lime, oregano & garlic…mixed w/ H20 in a spray bottle set on Direct Squirt!!
They apparently also do not like cucumber peels & chalk…however..after trying both for a day I got sick of my house looking like an episode from NCIS & smelling like a Compost Heap…so we erased those idea’s from our coloring book..etched a sketched them right out!
So far so good..the 1 very large ick scorpion type whatever down and a spider.. I am thinking perfect to wash down the floor with.. f the smell if ya don’t like it…we’ll just burn the de rigor insence as well..which kinda helps a bit with the gnats, moths, mosquitos & my newer kittie’s really pungent poops! Lol

oh..that whole thang about certain sounds and moths ..hi screeching sounds…righty oh! fire alarm decided the midst of ‘die’ and so did all the moths!! Just starting dropping from the sky!! luckily…I calmed down… before I ended up killing the fire alarm…since that was the mode I was in..!! Kill…kill…killl….Lol…it had a battery..I just kinda didn’t notice till it was hanging 1/2 outta the ceiling ..well the noise was enough to kill the moths ..scare my kittie’s so that I could not find them for the rest of the a studio apt!! you can imagine what it was doing to my frayed, bugged out 3 am! And.. I have had experience with a few of those battery free alarms...that somehow have ‘lives of their own’…still cluelless about that?? and w/ all their wires undone..ripped our…cut.. severed.. Like these headless corpse’s..they just go on with their hi pitched beeping..I swear..we once had to take one down to the ocean..w/ a hammer…and smash it to bits and drown it! ( it would not stop..but..I do admit..we were a little stoned at the maybe we were having just a tad too much fun w/ all the drama..just maybe…:) )

2 DB’s to end with..

1– "Dance like nobody's watching; Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; Live like it's heaven on earth."
– Mark Twain
Who woulda thought this New Age-ism was originally Penned by Mark Twain!! I was gonna include it in a birthday card & possibly make a bit of fun of it..but I wanted to google it 1st being the info slut/warrior that I am…and guess what I found!? it’s going on my wall..the un bastardized version!
2– a Jackie Mason classic that I actually found at the beginning of a New Age Creative Visualization Vid..I wonder if he knows this!?
‘Money is Not the most important thing in the world.
Love is.
Fortunately…I Love Money.’
& I love that guy! :)

Friday, June 4, 2010


Hullllooo Idyllwild...How am I ?? If ya really wanna know I’m still feelin like a toxic wasteland from my First Official Trip to ‘The Dump’.....Even Barry-la said I was looking a bit 'green around the gills'....what is goin on with this place??? was vile…a mile long stretch of Stink! Not to mention the car ride there…see..I don’t got no truck..just a nice Jeep Wrangler And even with All the lavender spray in the world..triple bagged and the back even the time I got there my head was pounding and I will leave out the gory details about how The Rest of my bod felt! And I Actually think I was cruised there..Yup…that this guy tried to be all chivalrous by offering to help me I was being ‘picked up’ The Dump’ yet!!!
A Lovely spot..a mile of garbage bins baking the the hot desert sun..I Just Cannot wait till it really is summer..Ooh La still my beating loins are a burning!
No way I am going make it …I am definitely gonna have to break down & hire someone like the City Babe I am!!
And whaddya 'leech lines' have to do w/ my plumbing anyway …I thought ‘leeches’ were those slimey things that got caught onto you in the water of the Amazon or somethang? Now we have them In Idyllwild? & why is my apt starting to resemble an 'ant farm' I was growing in my Bronx apt in 7th grade as my science experiment for the fair..tho that was was contained!! This one Is Not! There is a time & a place for Everything...and the time & place for spiders & ants are not IN MY BED!! Thank you very much@@! Tho my cats seem to be having a field day..I am beginning to feel like a Mass Murderer..not exactly on Schindler's List Proportion's..but I also prided myself on 'Be Free little one...and letting them go outside..unless they were venemous or those vile will outlive us all thru The Bomb & all other Nukings just like my father… ..they should and do suffer under my hand! I have been spraying that big yellow bottle of poison free ant/roach/spider spay cuz I have animals..and cuz The last thing I need is more Toxic vapor to breathe in...and they're like ooohhh a swimming pool..look the idy arts pool opening early...then when they are done..they just towel them selves off on a whatever rag or pt I have been cleaning the other dead carcasses with & walk away!!lol
Why is it that civilized things like USPS or The Trash People cannot come to your house?? NO? All we get are ants, spider, racoons, a few people, fedex & ups@!(if they can find you that is!)


OK...I have already given in to the Jap Choice of My Life.. Re: The Garbage Sitch…Hire Someone To Pick The Damn Shit Up!!!! No More Toxic Wasteland Illness for me ..Thank You Very Much..My System can Handle Quite a bit.,.but I guess due to My Dying From Mold In A Boring Bolingbrook Basement Experience…I simply cannot handle it… Normally…I am A Fighter…I am not one to give up easily… but I am Really, Really Over My Head Here Guys!!! Never Being Much of a Domestic Goddess…Cleaning..Re-arranging…Doing Laundry…has become a Daily Routine here…as I said ‘I think I’m going Japanese’ re: The Shoe Thang…cuz ‘Idyllwild is a Dirty, Dirty Little Place!!! Lol
Anyway…I have Never been much of a ‘Killer’ by Nature either.My Philosophy..(unless it was a Roach or A Killer Wasp/Bee..was just let it go it’s way and I’ll go mine…:) ) Nor was I a Bio major Geek who liked to Kill And/Or Collect Bugs, Create Ant or Spider Colonies ..I Always refused to catch and gas/suffocate those beautiful poor butterflies as a summer camp exercise then stick a pin through them and pin them to my wall as a horrible…that was an exercise in sleep away camp..I used to pretend I missed all the time…that is probably why they let me kiss them during the earth fair! ( I told Joanne that story..she liked it & me a lot because of it…:) ) I am beginning to feel like one of The Bad Guys from ‘Schindler’s List’ Here or Somethang!!! I want them All Dead By Any Means Okaaayyy!!! I Know..Not being a ‘Country Girl’…I must be missing ‘somethang’…Somethang I Am Not Doing That I am Supposed To Be Doing..Or Something I Do Not Have Perhaps??? Maybe no one is telling The City Slicker just to see how long it’ll take her before she finds out by means of insanity or something!? Or Just Packs Up & Leaves??? Is That It??? Like when me and my Not then Nazi Ex-husband found these Amazing Camp ground…Yes..I used to go Camping A lot! It should have Definitely been was Peak wasn’t..we were thrilled..and picked a prime spot right by The Lake…well..come dusk..we found out why…it was Black Fly Season…something that went Right Under The Radar of All My Citified Research ..and It was a F’in Nightmare!! Luckily…I Had done some research on B we had the edge there..anything that bites..hates the smell of B Vits in your blood…but let me tell you..we had that Cutter’s shit up our nostrils and in our earlobes it was that bad! Yeh..real romantic night by The Lake! Nothing kept those f’ers out of that pup tent!

So right now..I am sitting in a lovely, remodeled, ground level studio..beautiful parkay floors..had to pull up all my rugs…Again…because…My Ant & Spider Families decided to Move from one side of the house to the other….doesn’t matter what I put down or spray…now I am trying a New Concoction of Lemon/Lime/Tea Tree & Oregano Oil per some Health Food Expert/Nut online…couldn’t hurt right!? Oh..and BTW…I have about 20 or so Very Large Moths in here as well..So Whaddya Think about That ummm…??!! Clueless as to what to do…did not have this problem till just recently either…I lit some insence outside so it smells like a Friggin Yoga class or something! Not sure if it is affecting them tho…My Kitties seem to think this is All Fun & Games…chasing after them and pinning them to the ground and trying to eat them…maybe that is why they are now puking all over the house…the moths and the poisonous spiders perhaps!? Any suggestions???? I am sure you are gonna say a screen door..but I do not know how I could get in quick enough for that to help?? Then I am thinking of one of those Big Zapper Bulbs..but this light out here has a mind of it’s own and I simply cannot figure out How to get it to stay on..or off for that matter..and I think I would need one of those F’in Citronella Torches to be quite honest with you…which I am seriously thinking of getting…especially now that I just saw a few very Icky Spiders dangling in front of my door as well!!!!

Ok now this is just too much for this City Girl …really… I tried My Potion & Windex (Remember in that Fab movie..’My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ I think that was the title..I always get it confused..but I Do Remember It Had a Wonderful Happy Ending..Of Course..She Lost A Ton Of Weight…& Married The Gorgeous Thing Guy!! LOL..anyway..I digress…for a change..but it was Sooo cool..cuz in That Movie…Windex Was The Cure For All That Ailed You…Tho I don’t think they tried it on bugs…??)
on the Moths & then saw Something that was Not a Moth or a Spider not was it identifiable to me as Anything This girl had Ever seen before Okaayy!! But it was on My Wall & No Amount of Any Squirts of Anything killed it Thank You Very Much!! Until it just drowned..I think..unless it is under this Exercise Machine..who the F knows,…so I guess this Potion Just works for the Creepy Crawlers…I will attempt to Clean Once Again Tomorrow…& Spray these New Concoction along with..& Get this…spreading Cucumber Peels & Chalk…Ants Hate Chalk…Saw That One repeated more than once in a few Au Natural Pest Sites…I have forgotton, however, if these Tea Tree/Lemon Potion works for spiders as well…I am All Mischugana** (Crazed!) now…& Fahklemped (Confused) ***Oh Vey!!!! (OMG!) I think I should start posting bits & pieces of The Yiddish Dictionary in each of my blogs starting with the next one..there Really Are Yiddish Dictionaries…some funny…some serious…but they exist…
Anywaayyy…I will stop with this bug obsessing thang now…but suffice to say..I am ending this blog entry and eve with the most sensible solution I read, which is to leave on a ‘night light’ and under it a bowl of soapy water (?) that they will nose dive into at night ( if the cats don’t catch them 1st!?)

And..No..Not ALL Moths shed their Ugly Moth-ness & Become Beautific Monarch Butterflies Okaayyy..(Well..I haven’t Actually Googled That One But I will Fine!) Soooo…If I Do Not See At Least 5-10 of Those Beastly Carcasses Floating Belly Up…I’m taking my Kitties ‘Off The Hill’ to a Pet Friendly Motel With a Pool & a We’re Gonna Run Away From Home Overnight…Down, Down & Awaaaayyyyy….Lol!!! So this way none of us will Die from the Noxious Fumes While my Lovely Idyllwild Suite is being Nuked With All Purpose RAID..F It All!!! LOL !!!!

Love You Guys…Let’s Do Brunch…Air Kisses..Mwah…Mwah…
The Jewess Goddess RA

Ps…One of the reason”s I am up so late (3am in Idy Town is Late Late Late!! Even on a Sat Nite!!) is cuz I am going into PD/PS on Sunday…Into Civilization!! LOL…So…All the thangs I have kinda ignored..forgotton about ‘up here on The Hill’ Must Be Remedied!! ASAP!!! Especially ‘The Nails’…I am Very Vulnerable Without ‘The Nails’…and I do mine myself..and I am scraping by here folks cuz Barry-la had to order mine and They Did Not Come In Yet…Okaaayyy!! This Is An Issue For Me!! But..I am working around it with my ‘Back-up Nails…We Will Survive…it has been worse! At least The Hair is ’Still Working’ and The Roots are done…at least for now! I Must Be Presentable for ‘My Public’..Hey…There Is Some ‘Serious MONAY down there People!!! Lol… and for all of you who know ’The Secret’…Money Attracts Money..Right…or at least…’Acting As If’!!! :) ‘Look It…Feel It..Be It”! Alrighty then…Here’s to some serious Shopping & Poolside R&R! Love You…Kisses …Brunch!

Oh & How can I forget to mention this ..I am going to a Casino..A Real Indian Casino!!! I could say it is my 1st experience..but I did stop at 1 in AZ on the way here..Clueless…Nevah..Evah having been in 1 before…I wanted to play the games with Dice ya know…I have ‘That Touch’ with the Di…but they didn’t have that…so I went in with a little…came out with nothing…don’t even know if it was a Indian one or not..but I Have Heard…that going the beginning of the month…right after a Full Moon…Is Quite Good…So do wish me luck Ok..I will do some Creative Visualizations etc too 1st before I go in! :) I see myself going in with $10..maybe $20 dollars and coming out with $200! That would be fine..just fine! I am not greedy!