Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Hullooo Idyllwilders...

What do All Of The Above have to do with one another...not sure..maybe you can tell me? But thangs have been kinda bizarre in My World as of late...

So what am I eating & drinking tonight??
A newer Concoction for you Non Chocaholics..Vanilla Milk! :) (& for all you Dieter Conscious Folks out there):
Skim milk w/ ice, vanilla extract & a little equal..yummy..:)
It might sound 'weird' but I thought I might as well go w/ the flow..:)
For dinner...a relatively noveau brown rice combo..brown rice with sauteed red & green onions, garlic (tons! I do not think you can Evah have enough garlic!), ginger & bacon bits! Along w/ a glass of White's All going down real good I must say! :)

Weird & Smelly: Waking up to find a 'septic tank' being dug In Front Of Your Kitchen Window!?
Weird & Scarey: My 'Coyote Ugly' experience wit The SK Kujo sound effects And
Finding out we Really Do have Mt. Lions up here..
I was just told a loverly story 'bout someone's 180lb dogs (6 or more he said) who were devored..actually dragged Over the compound's fences..by1 0r 2 our local 'Large Cats'.

And there's my purrfectly good Jeep Wrangler (automatic..isn't that pathetic?? but whaddya want from a gal who just Really just learned to drive in her 30's!? :) )
That was just overhauled...took me over 2300 miles w/ no problemas..and is now Squealing like a Stuffed Pig?? (I actually Nevah heard or eaten a 'stuffed pig', but it seemed like a good analogy:))
Even The Windows?!

Just Plain Weird: My Comedic sexual innuendo'ing onstage being considered 'Offensive'?' Offensive'..why cuz it's Broad Daylight & The Truth!
As the Great Carl Reiner said..'The only Good Comedy is The Truth'
I have been called Lots of Things in my Life...:)
But Never 'Offensive'.

I pride myself in my 'unedited' style...
In bringing outta the closet what others wish they could..but don't have the **chutzpah (cojones, nerve) to do so!
I can look in the mirror & laugh at myself..I couldn't live w/ myself otherwise.
I do not have to 'sit in the dark', hidden away in my home to laugh at The Truth.
And it saves me $1,000's in Therapy Bills..G_D knows I have paid enough dues in That Dept.
I consider it a strength To Be Able To Laugh At Life..Turn things around..'Tell it like it is'.

Anyone that 'knows me well' ..knows better not to ask for my 'opinion' unless they want my 'real' opinion..I tell people Right Up Front..I am not gonna lie to you but I won't rip ya to shreds either..but if you want me to tell you 'You Look Fabu' in some outfit that make you look like a Times Square Streetwalker..I ain't gonna do it. Period!
I spent waaay too much of my life having to Lie & Edit..& I feel I paid my dues in That Dept. as well..Thank you very much!

Is it wrong to say that 'I love Harley's because they are like 'The Black & Decker' of Vibrators...
once you get off that thing they don' have to 'Do' anything but you???
What female that has ridden of the back of her beau's bike doesn't 'Know' that?!
And what 6 year old kid is gonna 'get' that?
Am I right here of what?

Ya wanna know what's offensive..'Offensive' is what my friend and female in arms of comedy...Sarah Silverman..(who You All Know, right??) said about Poor Little Paris Hilton having to do some 'Real Jail Time'.
Paris Hilton..admittedly Paris is not one of my favs..a 'barnacle on Society' & a 'waste of space' as far as I am concerned..but to publicly humiliate her..when she is in the audience yet?!
Sarah said 'I think they should make the bars look like '' so she feels more at home..but the poor thing might break her teeth on one'...or Something to that affect!
Now That is offensive..and the camera even panned to poor little Paris in the audience squirming in her seat while all her supposedly 'good friends' were hysterically laughing!?

I admit I would nevah say anything like that.. funny as it was...
However...I cannot Wait till I am famous enough to say .."You don't like my act..who cares!
To be as well known & rich as Sarah being quote unquote..Offensive'!
Yeah..Bring it on!

The End

With love, light & laughter
The DB

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Hullooo Me Dear Idyllwilder's...

So what's the whole Ritualistic, Pagan thing about the Summer Solstice?? Me thinks it has to do with New Chapters, Rebirth..etc...or am I being just a tad general here?? :)
Well let's see here...ummm..Is there a ritual for 'Burning of Computer's' for The Solstice? or am I getting it confused with 'Burning Man'!!!Or did the Headier than tho Chakra Shack cover that while I was up Re-installing my AVG that Just up + Went...My Internet Connection..Blog Connection...Ditto..They probably Both got angry that I removed All Their Damn Cookies! But I got My Blog Back..Hah!

Summer Spirituality Sayings>>> 'Dare to Take a Plunge in The Ocean of Emotion'...'Soak in a Pool Of Powerful Thoughts...Often...'

Where would one do that around here anyway? Find delicious cool, clean pools of water with cascading waterfalls along side...Me thinks of Zure Valley...where all the Buffalo University student went to 'chill'...Slippery Place tho...especially going down...& especially on Magic Mushrooms!
So I have heard of this Mysterious Grotto that we have up here..Googled my ***(arse)Toosh off trying to get a pic or 2...seeing if it was 'doable' for those of us who thought a 'backyard' was your Fire Escape...and, a Tree...well..I don't know One City kid who ever dared to climb one..if we even had one round us at all that is. Couldn't find more than a mere thumbnails of the place & only little stories of years past ... it a Viable Option?? or is all about 'slip sliding away' & becoming 'a Bloody Mess' as my friend put it when she saw her teenage daughter return from an attempted early summer swim..and that's a Teenager...they 'do' those sort of things..Not Me..when I go for a swim or a workout...I prefer it to be great place to lay in the sun & crisp the bod get all evenly tanned.then even cellulite looks good right!?But Certainly Not A Death Defying Feat..Thank You Very Much..Those Days are over!
Tho sometimes 'adventures' like those..remind me of Europe..long ago..a Colette novel.. loved reading her during the Hot Summer Months..She could make intense damp heat & sweating poetic & sensual somehow...:)

The Big Thing when I was growing up in Da Bronx was The Beach Clubs..The Cabana Clubs in Westchester..kind of Upstate New could always tell who was doing well..or The Club they joined and the 'size of their Cabana'!!! They even had 2 clubs that did not allow Jews Or That time!
I vaguely remember that we actually had a real car then too...a big Yellow Jalopy..but's all fuzzy...cannot picture being in any car growing up that didn't have a meter...imagine..trying to do Fast Food In Taxi's..Not! per usual..I opted out for a Sleep Away kinda Dude Ranch Scenario..Far Far Away from the Maddening Parents & most demonic 'little brother' , who did that 6-10" sprout while I was away one summer.Scared the hell outta much for all my makeup, perfumes & privacy after that! Chemistry experiments w/ my gifts of Chanel...and just handing my hidden diaries over to The Enemy.

Nothing was a far away couldn't escape..nowhere to run..nowhere to hide.

I did develop close & lasting relationships with the horses I was 'assigned' to over those years...we had to do Everything for them..grooming..shoveling..feeding..but aaahhh The Riding was The Reward..Like Harley's..I always think of them as Urban Horse free..such a attitude adjustment..Galloping Bareback was my Fav..tho I did know how to ride English as wonder I was so obsessed with that movie '9 & 1/2 weeks' ! :) I even 'lost it' to a horse..I Swear! Must have been during one of those 'Camping out under The Stars' nites we had..soooo romantic! Can't even remember his name sad...but I do remember he was a Spotted Palamino ...very sweet...and I did have a ciggie after as I groomed the sweat off of him! :) It is true tho..and I am Sure it has made me the Size Queen I am today! Lol
Well Not silly's..but that Little Man w/ The Cane...'Hymie'..always battling you guys away...well..riding bareback on a full out stallion was too much for our 'little man' so he 'caved in' so to speak.

I gotta tell you about my Jewish Mother & my 1st GYN after That Experience..What a Magilla!!!**(Insanity)I thought she was going to plotz..(**Pass Out)I swear!! Too Funny..this woman who thought only 'sluts' could use Tampax!! Well..maybe TMI??'ll probably love it..

Later then Loves..
Don't Forget..July 17th @9 &11..Mi Hi Cafe..My Comedic Debut opening for the International Ms. Chandelier...get a Babysitter...plan a Late Nite Out..Like a Big City Date but without having to Leave 'The Hill'!

xo The DB

Saturday, June 12, 2010

’I’ve Gone Country’ Folks’

Ok..Ok… Now it’s 9 PM Sat Nite the 12th..Yes..I Do Know that I AM Running A Tad Late!

I just realized tomorrow is The Anniversary of The Death of My Dear Friend & Most Incredibly Talented Hoodoo Voodoo Blues Man John Campbell…Had Lighting Hopkin’s 1930’s Guitar yet! Still miss him so…If you are into some serious Blues..check him out on Youtube…believe will not be disappointed…

I will Try not to Babble on & finish this Darn ‘Piece’ Asap! Okaaayyy…It is a Must! I was told ‘Someone in The Know’ of my ‘Light worker’s’ …if you will…that ‘The Universe was Testing Me’..Again!? Whaaat!? I haven’t Passed Yet?! I did Night School..Extra– Curricular…All that ‘Bronx HS of Science’ shit…can’t they go ‘Test’ someone else Already!? Lol…Sometimes I feel Like My Life is that Radio know ‘The One’.. ‘This is A Test..This is Only A Test..This is A Test Of The National Broadcast System…..’Lol
Well…I guess it’s like I’m taking My Finals Now..’They’ Really Wanna make sure I got ‘IT’ This Time!! :)

Well..if ya wanna know Why I am Just finishing this at 9pm after Saying that I was at 3am..just think the Usual..’The Killing Fields’ Part 2-8…(but at least I got it figured out now…it’s the Leech whatevah Septic Thang…combined w/. A charming under the kitchen sink leak…it’s like Swamp Land in here!! Swarming..they are!) With Breaks only to do The Hokey Pokey Dance trying to fit all my Computer Pieces into this Massive 8ft x 8ft x 8ft computer Armoire..don’t ask…Ya put your right foot in you take your right foot out you put your left foot in and you shake it all about..And Just The Fact that I have been singing that Damn song for the last 3 hours is a Bad Indication that either I sniffed waaaay too many Insecticides and/or am Delirious..for lack of food & sleep or All of The Above!! I Definitely Look & Feel like ‘Road Kill on a Rollercoaster’ & Yes..I Love That phrase that I coined on My is said w/ a Twang..and it is so very all purpose and fitting! I wouldn’t even ‘Do’ Me Now!! Oy Vey! Lol’s May 12…and freezing out..gotta love it up ‘On this Hill’ ‘weird’ tho…actually have the f’in heat on! probably’ll snow! Lol but it’s bug free at least…for 1 nite! Peace!

Well they always say if you don’t where to start..just start at the beginning…I have a little saying…’Just jump on into to the Ocean of Emotion’ here goes..Part One..of..’I’ve Gone Country’ Folks’! Omg..& Oy Vey!! Can even do that Idy Last Four # Thang a real local! Still feels like somethang out of the Andy Griffith Show to this City Gal tho....& I somehow get this feelin’….that 1 morning…at 3 am ..that ol’ $2 landline phone I got at The Help gonna ring…& I am gonna hear either ‘Sarah The Operator’ or ‘Ernestine’ trying to get me a line to ‘Selma Jean’..’I Know This’…& ..’NO’..IT Has Nothing to do with any of my past ‘experimenting’ with ‘Dear Mr. Fantasy or Magic Mushrooms’ at any Grateful Dead Concerts either Okaayy…!! Lol
Note: We are up 5000 feet on ’a hill’ the year 2010, Where it snows in May…& The Fog rolls in outta nowhere & envelopes you like surround sound …where people only get mail at PO boxes, only use the last 4 digits of their phone numbers, do not lock their doors, (car’s or houses!!!??), say Hi to their neighbors & actually know their name’s for god’s sakes!; and Today…I swear this happened..
I get a personal email from my Banker..(which, of course, at 1st freaked me out..all $$ affirmations & creative visualization videos aside…! :) I thought..Oh Vey..they weren’t working..I wasn’t One With $ $ …$$ didn’t love me for some unknown reason..Just Donald & other ugly men with no lips & bad hair (who can most definitely afford to fix them but who do not give a shit cuz they know they will get laid no matter! Lol) I thought…like any ‘City’ Person would who got an ‘Email from her Banker’ that ‘something ‘was wrong’! But no! It was an unexpected, incredible, beautific reply to an earlier e of mine…a support email…telling me ‘how I should take in all Idy’s love etc’ (I would really like to say who..but do not have her I can not..but major kudo’s to Compass Bank!! Thank you! ) can you f’in believe that!? And, Another thing I have noticed as of late… 99% of the ‘seniors’ native to Idy are in ‘Unusually’ good shape for their years…vibrant, beautiful skin, hair & nails…and this is kinda all adding up..isn’t it..umm..reminding me of ‘something’…a movie, play, book..& you?? :) Nothing? I Am Not aging myself here either....this is an Age Ol’ kinda Fairy Tale of sorts…& it just happens to be one of my favs..I was always one for the Mystical…Oh..Okaaayyy…
‘Shangri-la’ ..aka..’The Lost Horizon’ by James Hilton..
Remember?? It was a Village..Waaayyy up on a Mountain..that ‘outsider’s’ could see or enter (I think) every now & again) cuz it was usually covered by Fog..sound familiar…:) & Everyone there lived a lovely, blissful, ageless life…only catch was they could Never Leave! Always The Catch right! Lol but..who would want to really!?
I know.. for a fact.. it has been ‘adapted’ & made into a play, movies & docs etc…really fun stuff…
But I am definitely digressing here..I know it… where was I??? Lol
I was hanging out 1 day at Karen & Ken’s marvy thrift store…Earth Angels ..1 day, not long after I 1st got here..& a new friend..Chris.. said to me…’It’s Idyllwild..Magic is in the air’..I just remembered that… I do believe that is true…:)

Somethang about this place…bugs…dirt and all aside..Oh..Yeah…That!
So I was gonna entitle this ‘Piece’ something like ‘The Killing Fields’.. part 2-8’ or ‘The DB’s Clueless Citified Guide to Insect Control’ ..I wasn’t sure..but I figure I’ll end up covering most of these topics by & by! 1 way or the other..perhaps a few subjects will fall under the reader’s digest/cliff notes versions..not sure yet!? So I am sorry..well..actually.. I am starting to Really Really like that NCIS’s guy’s quote ‘Never say you’re’s a sign of weakness’..cuz I Know I say it way too often & it is So Not Evolved of me…so..ok..I am not sorry..cuz..In Actuality..This Piece has been ‘In Process for Over a Week..but because I am Such A well at new at being a Columnist &/or Blogger…I never Know when it is Good Enough ..Long Enough..’Finished’…so I have Not Submitted It..and I do not have that kinda support system that most creative people have or should have in their lives that kinda nudge them along in these ways…I mean..I do..kind of..but most of them are LD…or I have To Reach Out & Touch Someone…& then I feel Needy &/or Vulnerable ..neither of which are my forte’s..or I get I am now…and go off The Subject TOTALLY!! LOL

(and..PS..I shouldn’t say that I have No local support system..Not True!! Lady Di has had Pneumonia for the last 3 weeks…thus I am going through withdrawal’s from her ‘spoiling me’ happens when you are told 24/7 that ‘You are talent personified’..’Have talent oozing from your fingertips’ ‘should have been famous years ago’ etc…Thanks Di..glad we found each other..and JP was my Founding Father… Marshall my ‘Adopted Tribal Bro’..:) E’ing & calling me at all hours with their support and help and love & ‘breathing techniques’…:) …(am I supposed to ask permission 1st JP before I ‘out’ you as being not the ‘Judge & Jury’ you like to come off being?! Lol).. The Pharmacy Gang..Barry-la & The Girls for being my 1st and biggest fans…and Barry for letting me ‘out him’, supporting me to all the Dr. Diamond Nose Job Jews in Idyllwild who are apparently ashamed of their heritage and who even brings my ‘pearls’ to his folks to read every week cuz they love me too! …Mel Goldfarb when he subbed for ‘Barry-la’ for letting me know that ‘I didn’t have to introduce myself’ cuz ‘he knew all about me…The Rotary Club had read my column out loud’ he said… ‘& everyone loved me..they were all laughing and applauding’!.! :) Can You Imagine That!! Lol
‘Gino’ when I stopped in the road to ask him if he needed help and he laughed and said ‘No’..but aren’t you The One who wrote that hilarious article the other week in The Paper… I met you at Karen’s thrift shop going crazy with that Chris girl!? Rachelle right?’ ‘That’ is all the ‘Idyllwild Love’ that my Banker was talking about ..and I guess That is what I have to remember when I sit down to write to y’all …just like now…:) I gotta is 4 am…I am smiling…And..Finally Putting The Finishing Touches on this Darn Piece (now if I could get this Program to Truly Edit DB Style..That Would be Somethang! LOL)

This is week’s entry a long time coming But I personally feel all good thing’s are worth the wait..especially Me! Lol…’Anticipaaation is making me crazy’…well..You..and doesn’t that feel kinda nice in a way?? :) like that 1st Date you were waiting all week for?? :)

So…Fellow Country Men..lend me your ear..or rather whatever kinda pest control system or garbage pick.up you got goin’ down Ok! After my 1st week’s of ‘Discovery Channel’ -like Experience’s living ‘In The Country’ or as you like to call it ‘on the hill’.. or as I now like to call it.. ‘On The Ant Hill’.. I now know about every kinda Ant, Moth, Spider, Gnat (as 1 tries to enter my nose orifice..Very Nice…Lol)
That exist up here; Why they do, What they do, If they bite, What Supposedly deters/kills them (au natural or straight out poison) If They can kill You and How Bad that could go down.. & of course…What to do if that should occur…especially since…and this is One Very Bad Thing about Idy…unless You Are Very Very Rich…There Are NO Hospitals Up Here Or in The Nearby Vicinity At All..Not A Good Thing At All..I would think Especially In The Winter…Which…Honestly Folks..when ya think about it..would be a Very Very Good Time to Move ‘Down The Hill’ …:) come to think of it..what exactly should 1 have in an Idy 1st aid kit…another Google It…Ya know I am an Info Slut/Warrior..admittedly I Google Everything..’Knowledge Is Power’..1 of the Motto’s I live by…I even Googled ‘How To Pour Hot Wax On Your Lover’ 2am… Came Up…First Thang on The Google Search..’Erotic Hot Wax’…which…is ..I thought at 1st ..a Very Cool Thang…& It Is..& I Would …on The Whole..much rather be Googling how to correctly pour hot wax a SO whose hairiness leaned towards ‘Missing Link ’ proportion’s…(plus I had just given him a Heart Attack a year I did not want to push the Universal Proverbial Envelope..if ya know what I mean..on Any even Singing 1 Single Hair on His Bod! !)

However…on 2nd thought..& ya gotta do a ‘What’?! Head snap on that 1! Not even Page 2 or 3…1st one up?! & then of course you wonder..Slave & Master..Dameon ‘The Return Email Sender’, Fatal Error, The Blue Screen Of Death…Steve & Billy Boy’s??
Who The Heck are these guys anyway And What On Earth DO They Do in Their Spare time!? Truly..I don’t care How much $$ they have..I’m not sure I’d wanna go to Any of their ‘Invite Only’ parties..ya know..with All their Hi Tech knowledge…Scarey…Like A New Millennium James Bond Scenario..You’re In…The Whole Place Shut’s Down…And then..Dot Dot Dot…Yeah..All my friend’s say ‘I Have A Vivid Imagination’..Lol
But..I Do Not Think this is Far Fetched At All! Look At ‘Psych’ and All the other movies/characters like that..the ‘quiet, meek, geeky’ ones ..Always!!!!

However…What I do not know is Why Why oh Why They are all in my house and Will not go away!! Oh look a scorpion what!!! Ooi-38-4307&(^%$&#@() c7 oops sorry I freaked!!
or I think I do until just as I am writing this something that looks like a sea like scorpion really appears out of nowhere now please realize it is 1,2 or 3am?? and I am really really over the over the top beyond my limit especially when I found out..just like roaches..y.e.s..they love to nest in warm electronic places..super! I cannot take it anymore and am determined to take control of a sitch I googled to death and now feel I think I can handle?! I can no longer live in what feels like the ‘killing fields’ pt 2-6 and I am one of the bad guys in ‘Schindler’s list’…I just cannot! And what really put me over the top today was not the fact that I realized my house was completely littered everywhere…tabletops,..sinks…my bed..the entire floor…their death pools..with carcasses..and that was probably why my cats were puking rather regularly these days vs the usual 1-2x a month cuz they thought helping mommy was fun and that they got to eat they prize after was their reward! Well,,better than the vet bills I guess…?? And really I am not the killer type..I am more the ‘ free to be you or me’..when the occasional errant bug lost it’s way…(except those horrid roaches…no..they deserved to die…long torturous deaths…) I would make sure I got them out of the house peacefully..even if it was one of those normal friendly bees..not one of the mutant killer crazed 1’s from Africa or on earth did they make their way here anyway? With all this illegal immigration shit??? So I would like just open a window for them ..but here..not! it is totally they do not get the limits boundaries thang at all …no respect.. Nothing! ..mi casa, su casa..they swarm by my lites on even! I open it for a sec to get in/out after dusk…20 come bombarding in! is like one of those ‘mummy’ movie’s!! I have tried the insence thing..sprays..(I also end up getting these pretty little green and blue one’s by accident.. vs these ugly big mosquitos or grey moth’s..and it’s really upsets me!) I feel like every time I go out I have to bring a citronella torch and a machete like in an Indiana Jones movie!

So after a few sickening morns..nothing like the smell of death in the morn before you can wash down your Meds w/ some Cappuccino + then forgetting to put my slippers on so I am crunching on these little carcasses everywhere I walk…oy vey…I googled my Jewish toosh off…and found a combo stuff that almost all the creepy crawlers do not like..moths I am not sure..I think w/ them I am gonna have to get all voodoo hoodoo and start burning camphor balls and spreading bleach outside my door and maybe sacrificing some chickens ala Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet in that crazy weird occult-ish flick they both did when they were both hot,…she still is..he was beyond hot then..and now…scarey..the Lion Woman pt 2! Why Mickey why…Anyway..this movie is about it being time for him to give up the soul he had sold years ago to ‘The Man’ but what the f was his connect to her./..??
anyway..I digress…for a change...:)

Here is what I found out…

(other than I my Vag is that of a 20 yr old..which is some of the best news I have had in a while…about my bod anyway…that was at the Idy Health Clinic..probably one the best anything’s ending in the word ‘clinic’ I have ever been to and Brenda is wonderful…’course she thinks I am too and laughs at all my joke’ we are a perfect match!
When I arrived there for My Gyn..and she told me ‘to strip’..I said..’No need..check it out..and I showed her what I had on beneath my new tight-fitting jeans…(I was wearing this ensemble to show her and the world at large how much weight I had lost since arriving in Idy!)
My Black V Neck..worth every cent…snap open crotch and pop it in dual purpose Lycra Body Suit…Good For Gyn Visit’s And/Or 2-3rd Dates (after a Very Nice Dinner & drinks of course!! Lol) Yeh..that went over big!
Anyway..when she told me that..I asked her for a ‘letter of reference’ or something… or is she could repeat that on tape..cuz what a knockout ref along w/ the fact that I give men heart attack’s during sex..I mean ‘need I say more’..other than ‘I can make a Harley cum from across the street’ just a little add on!)

Umm..where was I again…’Tangenting’..look it up..maybe not in the Dict yet..but ‘in use’..k’…?

So what the creepy crawly varieties really don’t like are oils of: (or what I decided to use that I had in the house from the list of most hated:)
Tea tree**, clove, lemon & lime, oregano & garlic…mixed w/ H20 in a spray bottle set on Direct Squirt!!
They apparently also do not like cucumber peels & chalk…however..after trying both for a day I got sick of my house looking like an episode from NCIS & smelling like a Compost Heap…so we erased those idea’s from our coloring book..etched a sketched them right out!
So far so good..the 1 very large ick scorpion type whatever down and a spider.. I am thinking perfect to wash down the floor with.. f the smell if ya don’t like it…we’ll just burn the de rigor insence as well..which kinda helps a bit with the gnats, moths, mosquitos & my newer kittie’s really pungent poops! Lol

oh..that whole thang about certain sounds and moths ..hi screeching sounds…righty oh! fire alarm decided the midst of ‘die’ and so did all the moths!! Just starting dropping from the sky!! luckily…I calmed down… before I ended up killing the fire alarm…since that was the mode I was in..!! Kill…kill…killl….Lol…it had a battery..I just kinda didn’t notice till it was hanging 1/2 outta the ceiling ..well the noise was enough to kill the moths ..scare my kittie’s so that I could not find them for the rest of the a studio apt!! you can imagine what it was doing to my frayed, bugged out 3 am! And.. I have had experience with a few of those battery free alarms...that somehow have ‘lives of their own’…still cluelless about that?? and w/ all their wires undone..ripped our…cut.. severed.. Like these headless corpse’s..they just go on with their hi pitched beeping..I swear..we once had to take one down to the ocean..w/ a hammer…and smash it to bits and drown it! ( it would not stop..but..I do admit..we were a little stoned at the maybe we were having just a tad too much fun w/ all the drama..just maybe…:) )

2 DB’s to end with..

1– "Dance like nobody's watching; Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; Live like it's heaven on earth."
– Mark Twain
Who woulda thought this New Age-ism was originally Penned by Mark Twain!! I was gonna include it in a birthday card & possibly make a bit of fun of it..but I wanted to google it 1st being the info slut/warrior that I am…and guess what I found!? it’s going on my wall..the un bastardized version!
2– a Jackie Mason classic that I actually found at the beginning of a New Age Creative Visualization Vid..I wonder if he knows this!?
‘Money is Not the most important thing in the world.
Love is.
Fortunately…I Love Money.’
& I love that guy! :)

Friday, June 4, 2010


Hullllooo Idyllwild...How am I ?? If ya really wanna know I’m still feelin like a toxic wasteland from my First Official Trip to ‘The Dump’.....Even Barry-la said I was looking a bit 'green around the gills'....what is goin on with this place??? was vile…a mile long stretch of Stink! Not to mention the car ride there…see..I don’t got no truck..just a nice Jeep Wrangler And even with All the lavender spray in the world..triple bagged and the back even the time I got there my head was pounding and I will leave out the gory details about how The Rest of my bod felt! And I Actually think I was cruised there..Yup…that this guy tried to be all chivalrous by offering to help me I was being ‘picked up’ The Dump’ yet!!!
A Lovely spot..a mile of garbage bins baking the the hot desert sun..I Just Cannot wait till it really is summer..Ooh La still my beating loins are a burning!
No way I am going make it …I am definitely gonna have to break down & hire someone like the City Babe I am!!
And whaddya 'leech lines' have to do w/ my plumbing anyway …I thought ‘leeches’ were those slimey things that got caught onto you in the water of the Amazon or somethang? Now we have them In Idyllwild? & why is my apt starting to resemble an 'ant farm' I was growing in my Bronx apt in 7th grade as my science experiment for the fair..tho that was was contained!! This one Is Not! There is a time & a place for Everything...and the time & place for spiders & ants are not IN MY BED!! Thank you very much@@! Tho my cats seem to be having a field day..I am beginning to feel like a Mass Murderer..not exactly on Schindler's List Proportion's..but I also prided myself on 'Be Free little one...and letting them go outside..unless they were venemous or those vile will outlive us all thru The Bomb & all other Nukings just like my father… ..they should and do suffer under my hand! I have been spraying that big yellow bottle of poison free ant/roach/spider spay cuz I have animals..and cuz The last thing I need is more Toxic vapor to breathe in...and they're like ooohhh a swimming pool..look the idy arts pool opening early...then when they are done..they just towel them selves off on a whatever rag or pt I have been cleaning the other dead carcasses with & walk away!!lol
Why is it that civilized things like USPS or The Trash People cannot come to your house?? NO? All we get are ants, spider, racoons, a few people, fedex & ups@!(if they can find you that is!)


OK...I have already given in to the Jap Choice of My Life.. Re: The Garbage Sitch…Hire Someone To Pick The Damn Shit Up!!!! No More Toxic Wasteland Illness for me ..Thank You Very Much..My System can Handle Quite a bit.,.but I guess due to My Dying From Mold In A Boring Bolingbrook Basement Experience…I simply cannot handle it… Normally…I am A Fighter…I am not one to give up easily… but I am Really, Really Over My Head Here Guys!!! Never Being Much of a Domestic Goddess…Cleaning..Re-arranging…Doing Laundry…has become a Daily Routine here…as I said ‘I think I’m going Japanese’ re: The Shoe Thang…cuz ‘Idyllwild is a Dirty, Dirty Little Place!!! Lol
Anyway…I have Never been much of a ‘Killer’ by Nature either.My Philosophy..(unless it was a Roach or A Killer Wasp/Bee..was just let it go it’s way and I’ll go mine…:) ) Nor was I a Bio major Geek who liked to Kill And/Or Collect Bugs, Create Ant or Spider Colonies ..I Always refused to catch and gas/suffocate those beautiful poor butterflies as a summer camp exercise then stick a pin through them and pin them to my wall as a horrible…that was an exercise in sleep away camp..I used to pretend I missed all the time…that is probably why they let me kiss them during the earth fair! ( I told Joanne that story..she liked it & me a lot because of it…:) ) I am beginning to feel like one of The Bad Guys from ‘Schindler’s List’ Here or Somethang!!! I want them All Dead By Any Means Okaaayyy!!! I Know..Not being a ‘Country Girl’…I must be missing ‘somethang’…Somethang I Am Not Doing That I am Supposed To Be Doing..Or Something I Do Not Have Perhaps??? Maybe no one is telling The City Slicker just to see how long it’ll take her before she finds out by means of insanity or something!? Or Just Packs Up & Leaves??? Is That It??? Like when me and my Not then Nazi Ex-husband found these Amazing Camp ground…Yes..I used to go Camping A lot! It should have Definitely been was Peak wasn’t..we were thrilled..and picked a prime spot right by The Lake…well..come dusk..we found out why…it was Black Fly Season…something that went Right Under The Radar of All My Citified Research ..and It was a F’in Nightmare!! Luckily…I Had done some research on B we had the edge there..anything that bites..hates the smell of B Vits in your blood…but let me tell you..we had that Cutter’s shit up our nostrils and in our earlobes it was that bad! Yeh..real romantic night by The Lake! Nothing kept those f’ers out of that pup tent!

So right now..I am sitting in a lovely, remodeled, ground level studio..beautiful parkay floors..had to pull up all my rugs…Again…because…My Ant & Spider Families decided to Move from one side of the house to the other….doesn’t matter what I put down or spray…now I am trying a New Concoction of Lemon/Lime/Tea Tree & Oregano Oil per some Health Food Expert/Nut online…couldn’t hurt right!? Oh..and BTW…I have about 20 or so Very Large Moths in here as well..So Whaddya Think about That ummm…??!! Clueless as to what to do…did not have this problem till just recently either…I lit some insence outside so it smells like a Friggin Yoga class or something! Not sure if it is affecting them tho…My Kitties seem to think this is All Fun & Games…chasing after them and pinning them to the ground and trying to eat them…maybe that is why they are now puking all over the house…the moths and the poisonous spiders perhaps!? Any suggestions???? I am sure you are gonna say a screen door..but I do not know how I could get in quick enough for that to help?? Then I am thinking of one of those Big Zapper Bulbs..but this light out here has a mind of it’s own and I simply cannot figure out How to get it to stay on..or off for that matter..and I think I would need one of those F’in Citronella Torches to be quite honest with you…which I am seriously thinking of getting…especially now that I just saw a few very Icky Spiders dangling in front of my door as well!!!!

Ok now this is just too much for this City Girl …really… I tried My Potion & Windex (Remember in that Fab movie..’My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ I think that was the title..I always get it confused..but I Do Remember It Had a Wonderful Happy Ending..Of Course..She Lost A Ton Of Weight…& Married The Gorgeous Thing Guy!! LOL..anyway..I digress…for a change..but it was Sooo cool..cuz in That Movie…Windex Was The Cure For All That Ailed You…Tho I don’t think they tried it on bugs…??)
on the Moths & then saw Something that was Not a Moth or a Spider not was it identifiable to me as Anything This girl had Ever seen before Okaayy!! But it was on My Wall & No Amount of Any Squirts of Anything killed it Thank You Very Much!! Until it just drowned..I think..unless it is under this Exercise Machine..who the F knows,…so I guess this Potion Just works for the Creepy Crawlers…I will attempt to Clean Once Again Tomorrow…& Spray these New Concoction along with..& Get this…spreading Cucumber Peels & Chalk…Ants Hate Chalk…Saw That One repeated more than once in a few Au Natural Pest Sites…I have forgotton, however, if these Tea Tree/Lemon Potion works for spiders as well…I am All Mischugana** (Crazed!) now…& Fahklemped (Confused) ***Oh Vey!!!! (OMG!) I think I should start posting bits & pieces of The Yiddish Dictionary in each of my blogs starting with the next one..there Really Are Yiddish Dictionaries…some funny…some serious…but they exist…
Anywaayyy…I will stop with this bug obsessing thang now…but suffice to say..I am ending this blog entry and eve with the most sensible solution I read, which is to leave on a ‘night light’ and under it a bowl of soapy water (?) that they will nose dive into at night ( if the cats don’t catch them 1st!?)

And..No..Not ALL Moths shed their Ugly Moth-ness & Become Beautific Monarch Butterflies Okaayyy..(Well..I haven’t Actually Googled That One But I will Fine!) Soooo…If I Do Not See At Least 5-10 of Those Beastly Carcasses Floating Belly Up…I’m taking my Kitties ‘Off The Hill’ to a Pet Friendly Motel With a Pool & a We’re Gonna Run Away From Home Overnight…Down, Down & Awaaaayyyyy….Lol!!! So this way none of us will Die from the Noxious Fumes While my Lovely Idyllwild Suite is being Nuked With All Purpose RAID..F It All!!! LOL !!!!

Love You Guys…Let’s Do Brunch…Air Kisses..Mwah…Mwah…
The Jewess Goddess RA

Ps…One of the reason”s I am up so late (3am in Idy Town is Late Late Late!! Even on a Sat Nite!!) is cuz I am going into PD/PS on Sunday…Into Civilization!! LOL…So…All the thangs I have kinda ignored..forgotton about ‘up here on The Hill’ Must Be Remedied!! ASAP!!! Especially ‘The Nails’…I am Very Vulnerable Without ‘The Nails’…and I do mine myself..and I am scraping by here folks cuz Barry-la had to order mine and They Did Not Come In Yet…Okaaayyy!! This Is An Issue For Me!! But..I am working around it with my ‘Back-up Nails…We Will Survive…it has been worse! At least The Hair is ’Still Working’ and The Roots are done…at least for now! I Must Be Presentable for ‘My Public’..Hey…There Is Some ‘Serious MONAY down there People!!! Lol… and for all of you who know ’The Secret’…Money Attracts Money..Right…or at least…’Acting As If’!!! :) ‘Look It…Feel It..Be It”! Alrighty then…Here’s to some serious Shopping & Poolside R&R! Love You…Kisses …Brunch!

Oh & How can I forget to mention this ..I am going to a Casino..A Real Indian Casino!!! I could say it is my 1st experience..but I did stop at 1 in AZ on the way here..Clueless…Nevah..Evah having been in 1 before…I wanted to play the games with Dice ya know…I have ‘That Touch’ with the Di…but they didn’t have that…so I went in with a little…came out with nothing…don’t even know if it was a Indian one or not..but I Have Heard…that going the beginning of the month…right after a Full Moon…Is Quite Good…So do wish me luck Ok..I will do some Creative Visualizations etc too 1st before I go in! :) I see myself going in with $10..maybe $20 dollars and coming out with $200! That would be fine..just fine! I am not greedy!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hulloooo Idylwild…so sorry I haven’t been around….

OK SO IT’S SIR PSYCHO SEXY THIS ‘MORN’ (ooops!) cuz The DB Babe hasn’t been feelin’ well…MOLD! Yep..One of The Main Reasons I left IL other than it’s was Boring as F! Yep..I even got myself tested ..50% Mold! Ugh..Icky…makes you wanna run out and Google my # and ask me out ..huh?!

So this blog is gonna be just ‘stream of consciousness’ stuff…like the old days..can you ‘dig that’..??

I made my way home the other nite…actually More than 5 minutes from my home…Can You Be Blinded By Darkness??? Cuz That is exactly how I felt! I was Totally lost and my VZ Navigator…was not much help! Not to whole Jeep Stank from the garbage I had meaning to bring to The Dump..but never made it there!! By the time I got home…I had a shot of wine and a xenax just to calm down..that was After putting on Every Lite in The House..inside and out!! And then proceeded to eat more Chocolate than I think I have Evah eaten in 1 time!

And What is up with the plumbing sitch round here..Yeh..I have Heard of ‘Septic’ Whatevah’s…but here it is like another Situation’ like The Mail and The Dump!! I mean when I went to Tru Vlaue the 1st thang I bought was a Plunger! Icky Poo!! And I Do Use the Hard As Nails Septic Safe TP too…but Nothin’ goes down ‘Normally’!!
In New Yawk..I mean..You could put Golf Balls down there…members of The Gotti Jury..Body Parts…Toilets in New Yawk..would vacuum Anything down…(‘Course then it all pops back up in …so while taking a lovely Summer Bike Trip by The Water…No Dolphins..Swans, or any of those ’nice visuals’…Forget About It!! You’d see all kinds of dismembered ‘thangs’ floating about…Gross!

Ya know..I Love This Town..but Idyllwild is a ‘dirty, dirty’ little place!!! And I do not mean vulgar or foul or anything…Just Plain Dirty!!! I have Nevah been the kinda person to have a ‘take your shoes off at the door’ policy..but guess what?! I Do Now!? LOL…(Not that I am Yet at the place where I am gonna provide those cute little Japanese slippers or anything..maybe I’ll invest in some flip flops! Lol!) I just figured out that quite a few ‘famous’ people lived up here..if not FT than PT…Could Not find that out by Googling..& I can Usually Find Anyone or Anything Trust me! Or Not that you could recognize them or anything either!!! But Everyone up here looks Disheveled they just came out of a tent!! I just say the guy from NCIS & Hill St Blues..LOVE both of those shows..and I am Not a Big TV watcher…and he looked Like Grizzly Adams…!! LOL

Speaking of famous people…Another Reason I slept in today was cuz I had a few Great Dreams..ya know the kind you just do not want to wake up from!? :) Men..Hot Men!! What can I’s been awhile..I kinda like the idea..just not all the muss and fuss that goes along w/ it if ya know what I mean!!?? Lol And I just don’t feel like doing that whole pedi-mani hair thang either…lol Not to mention Me in the Morn!! I Am A Fright!!! While still Detoxing from all this Mold Shit..I am like a snotty 3 yr old..all mucousy and shit in the morn…let’s just say…Good and Morn do not have an = sign for me rite now! Lol Well Maybe I could pull it off if they didn’t stay over??? Men usually like that anyway..right?? I mean…Girls..You All Know that when a guy calls you ‘Babe’ the proverbial Morn After..that it is Not a Term Of is cuz they are utterly clueless what yor name is right!? They are rifling through your bag and calling all thr friends right after they call you a cab and make some coffee…trying to figure out who the hell they took home last nite!!!

Anyway I digress…I actually had two dreams…One about Viggo..(do I need to tell you His Last Name?? Ok for those Not in The loop..Mortensen…Lord Of The Rings..Long Dark wavy hair…Always on a horse!?)) & one about this guy I used to ‘see’ in NYC…a long time ago..but ya know how all these people have Now come back into your life through FB!!! His name I will not mention cuz I see No Need to feed his overblown ego anymore!! Lol And they Do say when you dream about ‘someone’ fairly often..there is some significance to it..what I wonder…about a guy that was sooo hot he could get ya off With all your clothes on!! Now that is an accomplishment girls…wouldn’t cha say!? Lol I mean..I know I am good..and give men heart attacks..which is quite a reference for The Rez rite? But this guy and I truly..I am surprised that the Fire Dept wasn’t called …evacuating women & children 1st…All sense of time & space left..and my heart used to feel it was going to implode…just shoot rite outta my bod…(but that could have been kinda enhanced by all the coke we were doing at that time too…huh!?LOL) This particular dream we were back in New Yawk…and he was moving in w/ me and trying to find a place for all his stuff..we were as we were then…and I can remember the realness of the not to worry I am not gonna go all porn here…but we took a break I guess and ended up in bed..and I can distinctly remember the feel of his long soft silky hair swirling around my face and his muscular arms pinning me down while we got into a really nice long necking session…with him..that would be enough to get me off.I swear..That is how hot it was…??!!&^$*^%*^)^ And one really nice sweet All the dreams I have about him..they are all set in That time frame…and he is always smiling..he had a beautiful warm real smile..soulful..whereas now..he just looks tired angry and jaded…w/ short hair! I do have to sort out Why I am always having dreams about this one particular man tho..kinda interesting…

And Viggo..well..he is my Soul Mate..I am sure our paths will collide shortly! Have you guys seen ‘Eastern Promises’ yet…killer!? What an actor! He is So Much More than ‘Lord of the Rings’..a good movie..but he has so many others where you really see his depth..his layering. On top of which…he is into Animal Rescue..very big with The Wild Horses thang.. bought all the horses he worked with..even taught the beautiful Liv Tyler how to ride…(Her Mom musta been Some Beauty…cuz that Rocker Dad of hers could not have created That alone!!) Plus he created his own Publishing Company called Perceval Press…for Poets..Writers, Photographers…he contributes incredible pieces & pics himself..very complex, layered & soulful being he is…:)Plus he cooks & smokes American Spirits brand…& still likes his wine etc..My Kinda Man..Very Renaissance!

I am sorry guys…but I have to end here..The effects of Long Term exposure of living with Mold in That Boring Bolingbrook Basement have returned & I am definitely Not Feelin' well…
Great Holiday Weekend I am having…:(
Mold can kill you ya’s a horror..even when you leave the environment…it doesn’t leave you for awhile..but I am fighting it…all patched up w/ Detox Pads etal..very hot date right now! ANYTHING ya wanna know on Mold Toxicity..Ask Me..I am a walking MD Dict!
Hey…I Know I ain’t gonna let something as icky and ugly as Mold take Moi down..when I’s gonna be a PARTAY!!! I’m goin’ out my Beach House in Malibu….And
After I ‘DO’ Everyone I haven’t but wanted to in my lifetime…lol..I’m gonna do a nice mixture of whatevah will ‘do the trick’ + ride my Harley into the Ocean…or something to that effect!
As my friend Chris said..’If we all make it to 65..and Our Universe as we know it is still in existence..ALL Drugs should be legal!!! Lol

As I might have mentioned..I am a Big Supporter of ‘’….one click a day will help feed shelter animals..but please do check their site out, if you haven’t already..there is So Much More to it…so many ways you can help animals, people, our environment by signing Petitions, buying Great Stuff from their store (I do all my Holiday Shopping there!) and I decided to include Just A Few of the amazing stories you can read about everyday.

Enjoy..and Click!

Kisses..Mwuah!! Let’s Do Brunch!!
With Love, Light & Laughter
The DB


Adoption Through Millie's Eyes

I never had a home. I lived on the streets. I ate from trash cans. One day, I was picked up and taken to the County Shelter. Everyone said I was ugly. I was ashamed. For once, I was glad that I had long hair over my eyes so no one could see my tears. I knew I'd never be adopted. I'd been at the shelter long enough to know what happens to the animals that don't get adopted -- they're taken to "the room" and they never return.
The Animal Advocates of Barnwell, SC were at the County Shelter the day unwanted animals are euthanized. One of the ladies came to get me. My time was up. I didn't fight. I knew my fate. I was lifted into a tub, expecting the inevitable. Instead, warm water and shampoo poured over me. I was in shock. I didn't know what warm water felt like -- only the cold rain or the spray of a water hose when someone tried to scare me away. The lady dried me off and put me in her car. I immediately emptied my bladder. I knew I'd be hit for my bad manners but the lady told me it was alright as she cleaned up the puddle. I was taken to the groomer where I was given the spa treatment. The ladies said they'd never seen such long eye lashes!
As we drove away, the lady looked into my eyes and told me I was beautiful and that I had a forever home. I was adopted! Every day since then "my lady" has told me that I am beautiful and I believe it!
"You may not be able to change the world, but you can change the entire world for one homeless animal."

Naomi Survives Abandonment, Electrical Burn, and Dental Surgery.

Naomi came to us after the county dog warden found her locked in a trailer, left behind by her owners to starve to death. Once she was in our care, it became obvious that she had problems with her mouth. First, all of her teeth had to be pulled due to issues with stomatitis. Then we discovered that the roof of her mouth was a mess, covered in holes that appeared to be due to an electrical burn. All we could figure was that somehow, left alone in the trailer, our girl tried to find something to eat and chewed on an electrical cord. Or perhaps, the damage had been done before the family abandoned her and poor Naomi remained, in pain and starving, unable to eat.
After numerous dental surgeries to fix the holes in the roof of her mouth, the vet decided that the only way to keep food and drainage from going into Naomi's nasal cavities was to plug the remaining hole with a "septal button," the same type of device used in babies with inoperable cleft palates. Naomi will have this "plug" the rest of her life, but without it and our help, she would have died. She used to scream in pain when she ate because food would get caught in the holes.
This sweet and gentle cat is now looking for her forever home. Our "toothless girl" only wants a soft lap to sleep on, a toy mouse to wrestle with, and kibble that she can easily swallow or gum to death. We don't think that is much to ask for considering all she has been through. And through it all, Miss Naomi has continued to smile.

Black and Orange Cat Foundation

Elwoods' "enchanted cottage"

For 12 years I helped raise a family. But, for some reason things changed and I was told I couldn't come in the house any more. I heard about a puppy, but didn't know what that meant. I just thought maybe I did something wrong and that it would get better.Suddenly one afternoon I was taken to Frederick County Animal Control in Frederick, MD.. The kids didn't even say good-by. They were still talking about the new puppy. I guess I was replaced.
I wasn't in very good shape. My coat was course, I was very thin, my teeth needed a lot of work, I had a small growth on my side, and I was so scared and nervous I didn't know how to act.
The folks at the shelter got me on a good diet, and put me on Petfinder. Soon a wonderful family from far away in Pennsylvania saw my story and photo came to meet me.
Imagine that! Somebody in a whole other state liked me! They didn't care how old I was. They just cared about who I was and that I needed a home.
I got to live on a mountain in a beautiful cottage with a new younger "brother" who is also a Golden Retriever, who taught me about a world I had never known... and I had so much to learn.
Now I am special. I have a real family that thinks I am wonderful, and I do my best every day to tell them the same.
The magic of a picture and a paragraph on Petfinder made my whole life changed. My mom and dad tell everyone I am a precious gift and it was Petfinder that brought me to them.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Aaahhh…Absinthe, + brown rice + beans w/ veggies… Vivaldi (well it was a toss up between that of Sir Pscyho Sexy + the rest of The Red Hot Chili Peppers..Still am a R&R Chick Okaayyy!!!) + an ice water chaser!
Not Exactly sure what Sherlock Holmes, Johhny Depp + the rest of our infamous Absinthe Drinkers ++ would think of My Combo Deluxe..but it works for me..Oh..I forgot I also have some ‘Killing Me Softly’ American Spirit ciggies along with some Camel’s as a back-up! Do I sound like some kinda atypical writer or what tonight! what..I am loving life…
Yeh I still ‘Indulge’..yeh ya gotta problem with that!? :) and I Tan too Hah! Even in Booths with Tan Amplifier shit all over my Body!! C’mon admit it…Everyone and Everything looks better Tan..even those ripples of Cellulite!

Well..I am admittedly celebrating…I moved..again..but got my own Drama-Free Place Finally…with The Universe’s Help of course….got my computer up + running Fantastically thanks to Francoise..’our computer helper on the hill’ all is well in my world! I Am Connected!

But while having ‘The Blue Screen Of Death’ in my life for over 2 weeks…and dealing with Fatal Errors…having Dameon as my email returner, sorting out stuff with The Slave + Master Hard Drives, Having Trojan Horse or whatevah they are called..Infections…I had to begin wondering who the heck ARE Bill Gates + Steve Jobs..and What Exactly they do in Their spare time!? I am not sure if I would ever want to visit Their Rec Rooms!? And Especially Not their Basements!! I mean..talking about Hi Drama Here..with all this ‘Fatal’ stuff and ‘Blues Screens of Death’?! Not to mention all this S&M terminology?! And ‘Dameon’ (another name for The Devil) ..couldn’t they have just named him ‘Harry’??? Doncha think they are a little bit Extreme here!? Scarey!
And What Is Up With The Cookies Thang!? My Computer wanting cookies at 4am..What!!! Is It PMS-ing like me!!??? Now I gotta go running around getting Double Fudge Oreo’s for 2!!!

And Moving..Not that it is Any fun to begin with..but getting around this town is hell for a new comer…I mean..No One knows their own address to’s ridiculous!! It’s bad enough to cannot find Anywhere round here past dark!! When people say ‘how lovely is is at night out here cuz you can see All the stars etc’..Yeh..they are right..But that is All you can see!!! In NYC I used to carry around extra RayBans in NYC..afraid I might spend just a tad too long at some after hours ‘Save The Robots…on Ave C between 2nd + 3rd (that could be engraved on my Gravestone..I could babble out that addy in Whatevah shape I was in at 4am..when they opened!!) & be stuck in the Blaring NYC Concrete Jungle hailing some taxi Uptown like a The Vampire Lestat !!!
Here..I am sure to Always have at least 3 Hi Beam Halogen flashlights, my Hunting Knife/Dagger + a few Flareguns..just in case!! I poor VZ Navigator is so Clueless around here as it’s pathetic…all is can bleep out 24/7 that “You are approaching your destination’ (even if I am 5 miles away!) and in it’s calculations…Everywhere I am going is 5 minutes away! Not to mention all this Darkness stuff pushing Every One of my childhood fears of The Boogie Man..The Unknown…growing up in NYC the streetlights were my night light and even then I had 1 for my room…so here I find myself getting home after nightfall…more than slightly relieved cuz I Am Safe!? Safe From What?! The Unknown..The Monster Under The Bed…whereas in NYC I cld deal with a Mugger…or the concept of one..Here..Whadda my Gonna Do..You Cannot Mace Nature!!!!!

Now..I Gotta Get outta this House..I am Mischaga** (crazy) already dealing with trying to get These Multi Function Whatevah Machines all set up!! Gonna sit at Higher grounds…soak up some Idy Sun…chat with The People’s & have some of their yummy Couffee…& a Ciggie! :)
But 1st ..’The Hair & Nails’..I Cannot Go Out w/o ‘The Nails’…Okaaayy..I just feel too Vulnerable..Hey..I gotta look good for ‘My Public’ Right!? :)

More from The DB latah!! Love ya..Kisses..Brunch..MWAH!!

Friday, May 14, 2010

More from the Proverbial Wandering And Discombobulated Jewess

Just a few thoughts before I pass out (@ 5pm!) Suffice to say...
Moving Does Not Suit Me!
I just finished unpacking a Plunger, Ant Traps + Spray, + a Broom with Dustpan!! still my beating heart..I need a change of undies from That Shopping Spree!!
Now all I have to throw in are some Super Max Tampons, Herpes Med + some Anti-Snoring Strips and I'll definitely be The Hottest Date In Idyllwild!! Hey..I can even use that Ant, Roach + Spider Spray as an Eau de Cologne..ya know..'Kill Two Birds with One Stone'..whatevah the heck That Means!?.

More ramblings Tomorrow..Promise...I know y'all will be awaiting my pearls of wisdom with bated breath..Correct?

With Love, Light + Laughter

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The 'Weakest Link' quote in it's entirety

'A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, and life is after all a chain.'
William James

Xo R

'The Weakest Link...' Another Life Lesson Learned

Hello Idyllwild...

Still Loving Life here..tho as of late I will admit to feelin' a bit like 'Roadkill on a Rollercoaster'(nothin' Jewishy 'bout that 1...ya gotta say it with a Texas Twang!) Having to move 3x in 2 months can do that..but as they say. The 3rd time's the charm'!? (Or something like that...for a Writer..I am Hellacious with those kinda sayings!)

So I owe a few of you Idyllwilder's a profound, heartfelt apology..cuz I have not been 'Talking it + Walking it' as of late AND I pride myself on that.. Presence, Accountability + Communication have Always been key in My Life...+ I expect that from other's as well.
So, needless to say.. it's been heavy on my mind.

People jokingly call me 'The Fixer'..the One who ya come to to 'get it done'..I'm a Jewish Mother' type...I want to nurse Everyone And Everything back to health!
Even as a kid I was Notorious for bring home stray's..not just animals...people too!
And, like 'Lucy's' character..I was The Camp Shrink as well!
When I was just a little girl in Elementary School..I remember getting some kinda 'Good Samaritan Award' because I befriended a little girl who was 'physically handicapped'.
I never really understood Why tho..??

That's how 'The Schlepford Wives', my Concierge + Consulting Biz came to be... It's one of my God Given Talent's..And who doesn't like a 'Happy Ending' anyway, right? I feels soooo good when you can affect a situation or a person in a positive way, right?

But...sometimes ya gotta just see The Reality at hand...some situations just ain't 'Fixable'Period! And instead of Them going up...You go's contagious..but Not in a good way! And Me...I Love being a Good Disease tho!

So...I thought Maybe..just Maybe..The Universe was done trying to Teach me yet Another Lesson..but who am I kidding here?! Tho I'm working on Perfection..Every Darn Day...and It feels like I've done Night School, Extra Curricular + all the rest..Nope! Close but No Cigar! I'm obviously being The Universe's version of Cumilative Finals..Just to make sure I Really Got It This Time!!

But, rest assured Folks..I'm a quick learn + I study hard for any of you that might be reading this..who feel's like I owe 'em one.. I am working on sure of that! And, Yes, My Word Is My Honor! Everyone deserves a 2nd chance Right?

And remember..if you see a slightly Discombobulated Babe popping out of a Jeep Wrangler with Blue Suede Birkenstocks.. say'Hi'cuz it's Me!

'When you follow your bliss...The Universe opens doors that were once walls'
Joseph Campbell

With Love, Light + Laughter

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dear Judy..+ All my Readers, Fans etal...

Good Morning to y'all...

(Even Tho using 'Good' And 'Morning' in the Same Sentence is an Oxymoron if I Evah Heard One!Yeh.I am still on City Time..what can I tell ya!)

1st...I must apolize for Any + All typos in my Blogs as of late..I have just moved (and we All know How Much Fun moving 3x in 2 months can be!) + am awaiting my DSL service from The Green the dedicated writer I am...All recent posts are being done from my Blackberry. Thanks for your patience.. for your reply to my Intro Column..Yes..I would love to meet for 'Coffee, Tea or Me'..not to defend myself..but just to 'tawk'.

As a person who Loves Jewish Humour..I am curious..Do you feel the same way about the Brilliant, Talented + Hilarious..not to mention Legendary... Jackie Mason
As you do about me?!

I too grew up Surrounded by Father being one.I lost out on a set of Grandparents + a whole slew of Aunts, Uncles + Cousins due to The Holocaust.
As a young girl growing up in Da Bronx..I was Always wondering Why my neighbors would hastily pull their shirt skeeves down when I came 'round..Then, 1 day..I saw 'The Numbers'..

I have no real 'ists' in my life..nor did my Parents..Tho my Father..being 'Old World European'was definitely a 'Sexist' on some levels..
They used the Yiddish Language as anyone would use a 2nd 'The Others'(or us Kids) wouldn't was like 'code'! My Mother,who was 2nd Generation,a Blonde/Green Eyed Beauty, Part French Jew, Artist, Teacher + Nurse.. had a trained eye for the Dr. Diamond Nose Job'!( Probably in part cuz she wanted one herself!!) Was always whispering in 'Someone's' ear..'Look at that nose..just like a shiksa'.B_( Always with a smile on her face!.

And, Judy, I must ask..Who is a 'Racist'?
What does Race have to do with This anyway...Jew, Protestant..whatevah..Those are Religions My Dear!

Darlin'..It's called Humour..OK? So take a 'chill pill' + lighten up a bit would ya Pluueease?
Humour..Laughter..Proven healing/coping strategies..try it works! It's Very Cathartic to be able to turn Tragedy into Comedy..And it can save you a Fortune in Therapy + Anti-Depressants!
(Trust me..I Used to be on Industrial Strength Prozac!)

Re: Me, My Column + Blog..I am wondering where you got this idea that 'I have the wrong audience up here 'on The Hill' cuz I gotta tell you..You are The Only one that I Know of who has taken offence to the content of 'The Discombobulated One'! As a matter of fact..One of our "
'Tribal Members' loves me So Much.. that he recentlysaid that he is going to 'tell' JP that he should give me a regular column'! So sweet + flattering...

The interesting thing here is the biggest worry I had..+ perhaps a concern of The Crier"s as well..was that my content would not be understood or appreciated by those who are not 'citified' + well travelled..BUT that does Not seem to be The Case at all! I have gotten Great Feedback from both Jews + Non-Jews alike..Including people of All 'Races'..some who have never been in a Big City..where Everyone seems to be 'Jewish by circumcision'on some level..cuz they All Know + Use words like 'schlep', 'schmooz' + 'fahklemped'!

Speaking of which...what's your take on the show 'Saturday Night Live'? Do you consider it a 'Racist' show..and all the Writers/Comics 'vulgar + foul' cuz they brought the word 'Fahklemped' out of The Proverbial Closet?

Judy..I have been a Stand-up Comic + Writer for close to 10 NYC, LA + 'on The Road'..I am a person who lives her life Everday with Passion + a Smile on My Face..I use The 'Pay It Forward'/Glass 1/2 Full' Methods as my guides. No Matter What!! I have been involved in 'The Greater Good Network' since before it was even a 'thang'; I do 'Rescue'(People + Animal) both Privately + within more structured settings + have some Wonderful Happy Ending stories that I would love to share..+ I think those who Really Know me would give me pretty darn good references!! Re: My Intentions are sincere ..And I just don't 'Talk it..I walk it too'!

I am Not saying that Everyone will agree with The Way I See The World,. How I Live My Life..or with what I have to say and/or how I say it.
(I realize that I am kinda 'complicated' + hard to 'get' for 'Some' people..but those who aspire to Brilliance And Creativity 24/ I the people I 'normally' surround myself with'..usually have No Problema!!)

But let me also say here..that I am glad I rocked the boat..that You commented on my Column...that is indicative to me that people are reading The Paper, for one..And that I make people think + question things. I would rather be Almost Anything Than Invisible!!
Another one of My 'How I Live My Life' motto's is; 'I loathe, abhor + despise Mediocrity, Boredom, Stupidity + Cruelty'!

But..I do believe Freedom of Speech is My Right..+ Yours too..
And as long as I know, In My Heart And Soul...that my writing is Not meant to be hurtful or malicious..Nor does it come from a Place of Darkness...(actually Quite the Opposite) I will continue to 'Write On'!!

I have Earned it!

With Love, Light + Laughter

Monday, May 3, 2010


This Week's Themes:

Success Is The Best Revenge...Especially When You Have a Column or Blog in an Award Winning Paper!

Jealousy + Envy.
There are Two Different Kinds of Women....
Me: 'You Look Great..where do you work out? If I were gay..I'd 'do' you!
The 'Others':'You Look Great.(Bitch)!

Self Righteous People Who Must Create Drama Because They Have NO Lives! And They KNOW they Can't Have Yours!
(They probably have little dolls that look like you that they burn in effigy!)

The Worst..People who do Yoga + thus think they are Mahatma Ghandi reincarnated!
They are So Above It All!!
The fact they can twist theselves into Pretzel Like Poses is one thing..the Actual Spiritual Core of Yoga is a Whole Other! This Super Self Righteouness being the facade that keeps them from facing Their Real Demons!

This Housesitter I know..who considers herself a 'Writer'(of course..she is The Only one who thinks this!) + 'Ms. Yoga Universe 2010' was invited to a Family Gathering.
Well.. ya know how The Kitchen is The Place where everyone ends up congregating
To do that Familial **'schmooz'(hanging out tawking etal)thang..what did She Do?? She stood there doing Yoga Poses The Entire Time!? What?? Was she a National Geographic Reporter on assignment observing a Group of Primates!? Is this the behavoir of a Supposedly Enlightened Spiritual Person? I think not! More likesomeone exhibiting a Borderline Psychotic/Personality Disorder if ya ask me!! Fear of Connecting to Others + Actually Being 'Seen'..'Known'.
Hiding behind all This 'New Age Woo Woo stuff' just doesn't cut it with me..Where's The Love that supposedly goes along with All That..umm?

People like that.I Delete! Etch a Sketch Out..Erase From My Coloring Book!
(And write about them of course! Ha Ha! Kisses..Brunch!)

Another one of my How I live My Life Motto's is: 'I Refuse To Subscribe to Petty Superfluous BS! Life is Waaay to short + we don't get Dress Rehearsels..Thank you very much...!
And..No..I don't Edit..and, Yes..I speak The Truth..when Men do..they are applauded,promoted etc right? So the way I look at it (another One of My Life motto's: 'Men get cocky..Women get clitty'! And I Most Definitely feel like I have earned That Right'

Friday, April 30, 2010


Hey Y'all...

Still Loving Idy...with All it’s Quirky little traits…And I Soooo 'preciate all The Fab Feedback & Support I have received re: my Very 1st Column Evah (Pg 7..this weeks paper..just in case ya haven't read it yet..hint..hint..:) )

However..ya gotta matter what..I have been a Big City Girl All My Life...'cept for those little Country Outings at those quaint New England Inn's..
Even did some a Pup Tent ..Me..Yeah..Yellowstone..with A Big Bear Over my Very Little Tent...and me having to pee...suffice to say..I held it in..
I gotta tell you ‘bout my Buffalo University to Mexico City in a VW Bug..( was that reddish orange colah..what else would it be!?) In the Midst of a Mexico Summer..Camping All The Way..(same Pup Tent) You Are gonna Love this..I was almost taken hostage by a 80-90 year old shrunken little Mexican hombrero ..thinking the whole time I was getting a Donkey ride..Yeh..He wanted to give me ’a ride’ alright..he was taking me back To His Village..that’s his new wife or some goddamn thing like that!!!

So..cut me a bit of slack here Okaayy..?? Cuz there are Definitely some things round here that take some getting used to when you Never, Ever lived in The Country…ya know what I mean.
And...BTW..I Really think it is time to create a Welcome To Idy Guide..geared towards us Citified People..I'd be happy to get it up & goin..okie dokie?

I mean..just The Basics here are Really Confusing…

Okay..It goes like this..In 'The City’..After you Finally Find an Apt you can afford…and they check you out up to the point of when you Finally got potty trained..all ya do is sign A lot of paperwork..Pay A lot of $$..they give you keys to your door and your mailbox…( Are The One responsible for putting in The $ other Dead Bolts, chains etc…)
And then Boom..You Movie’s been painted..cleaned.. de-roached… ALL the appliances Are Already There… (yes..we opted to pay more for a Roach-Free New Fridge!) Of Course there is water, electricity, heat Does Not Even Think about’s just a ‘given’..OK ..So You have to make like maybe 1 call re: your phone…Every month you get a few outrageous bills..max out your credit cards and all is well!

But Not In Idy… Here..Nothing is that simple..whatsoevah!

‘The Black Hole In Space..The Bermuda Triangle..or where all those socks and emails go..Free to Be Me..Partaayyy!!’

Here I am sitting around wondering..where the heck all my mail is for G_d’s sakes. I’ve been here Two Weeks Already….I know it takes a Little While once you do that whole addy change..but Two Weeks was pushing The Proverbial Envelope!
Especially since there were checks floating around some where out in The USPS Universe…!!
I mean..I knew PO Boxes were a big thang round here..well..I thought it was Just Another little quirky 'Living In The Country' Thang…
What I Did Not Know was that they were ‘De Riguer’ Unless you have a PO Box...basically..You Do Not Exist..You Are Not Official..And..Most Importantly..
You Do Not Get Mail..It All Gets Returned!!

‘Cold Showers..are Not Just For Overly Hot Men!’

I am Right Now as I type this Blog..packing to move…& I Just found This little tidbit of info re: Where Does Hot Water Come From in Idyllwild Mommy'!? But Just a Tad too late to actually Do anything about it..
Thus I have come to the Dreadful Realization that I will be taking cold showers or having to do 18th century type whores baths for the entire weekend!
Any Offers!?

‘What A Dump’!

Oh..And..FYI… I am told by the owners of my Guest House..2 minutes before they are leaving for Three Months…’Oh..BTW…We do not have trash removal here..Bye..see you in 3 months!!
So then what..does it just Magically Recycle Itself into the Idywilld Mountains..or do some little men come take it away under cover of The Dark while I sleep!?
No f’in way!?

So..Unless you want a few Dozen Raccoons on your property..Tearing it all to shreds every nite..& running amuck all over your Roof…scaring the sheet outta me & my kitties... You had bettah sort This Situation out!!! ASAP!
Of course..I go into see my Fav Pharmacist..Barry-la..& the other really Patient & friendly gals he has working with him…Knowing they will Understand..and Not Just Roll their eyes..thinking.. 'Ugh..these City People..Clueless!'
And..what do I find out?! Yes..Me, Myself & I must take it to The Dump…Me! And I won’t Even tell you The Directions I was supposed to remember that got me To The Dump..cuz if I thought No One Ever gave you an address around here..You Can Be Sure…there was No Address For The Dump!!

Then..I am told..that The Dump is really a hot place ‘to shop’ and ‘meet people’..that is was sort of an Idy Social Event!!??
Now as it is..How To Dress In Idy is a definitive ‘Grey Area’ for me..especially cuz I am One Of Those Women who is into Shoes..Thus Hi Fashion around here..means anything I can wear without breaking my neck! My solution..Blue Suede Birkenstocks..Like in The Hippie Days..but Blue Suede at mollified me somehow..
And for the rest of me..well..I figure since New Yawkers Only Wear Two Basic ‘colahs’…Black & White…I choose one of my All Black Ensembles..perfect for The Dump?! This way all the icky poo stuff I am in the midst off won’t ruin my whites!

‘C’mon Baby Light My Fire’

What about This whole lighting the fireplace thang…without ruining my french manicure or setting off all the smoke alarms…whether it be for warmth or romance..the damn thing takes More Stoking Than Me to keep it going!! 3-4 Firestarters Later..and a whole bunch of Whatevah Else Burnable I could find in the house… And the only warmth I got from it was from all the running around I had to do to keep the damn thing going!

That’s it for me tonight boys & girls..I got a lot of boxes..from The Dump..where be packed..and The Dark to navigate my move in…We’ll Talk about my fear of The Boogie Man next time..K?

So have your people call mine and we’ll Windex a window on our Agendas and do Brunch OK??

MWAH..MWAH...Love You..Kisses
The Jewess Goddess Ra